The Rantings of yet another Madman

I think this is why we never reach a state of equality.

2012-01-06T17:20:00.001+11:00

They ask for equality but mean equity whilst others shout louder demanding entitled emolument for past wrongs all the while the rift expands between those that want it to be fair and equal, those that want reprisal and those that want the status quo further fracturing the argument and causing even more conflict than was originally in place.

[Reposted from xntrek]

The perfect job ...

2012-01-06T16:44:00.001+11:00

I mean other than “paid a ludicrous amount of money to simply make up the numbers whilst having no requirements, deliverables or responsibilities” Is there such a thing?

What would yours be?

I don’t even know if mine would exist.

The things I am good at are things that seem to be things that people don’t seem to hunt. Like deductive reasoning, right-brain left-field thinking and being an all round goofball who just happens to think differently enough to see things in a way no one else around me seems to. I seem to be able to Identify synergies and make connections between seemingly disparate pieces of information.

But there’s no call for a “brilliant thinker” on the job boards.

The things I enjoy and am passionate about are seemingly diametrically juxtaposed in the work force.

Teaching, consulting, agriculture, food, technology.

How do I even start to combine these into a job?

Let alone one that can pay the mortgages?

[Reposted from xntrek]

A friendly reminder ...

2011-12-22T15:41:00.001+11:00

Just a reminder PLEASE do not give small living things as gifts for xmas.

They may seem cute and you may get squeals of delight, but the novelty will inevitably wear off.

Next thing you know, they go feral and start congregating in packs in the park, around alleyways or near shopping centres.

Remember children are for life, not just for xmas!
[Reposted from xntrek]

My year in review ...

2011-12-22T11:03:00.001+11:00

So, it's the end of another year and this one has been a full one.

After all the heartaches and mess I went through over the last few years of the noughties, the hectic pace of this year has been welcome, even if it hasn't always been smooth sailing.

Of course, the predominant part of my year was enveloped in the agricultural studies and activities which I have detailed in a seperate review.

From a personal point of view, it's been full of ups and downs.

This year we moved from our wonderful and recently renovated home in Narre Warren and put it up for sale just as the housing market dropped ... and Ingrid was made redundant. We recovered from the latter, but, the house has been sitting there, waiting for the right people to come, fall in love with it and afford to pay for it.

Moving into a rental home on the complete opposite side of Melbourne has been interesting. The house is older, smaller and less energy efficient than the one we left. That said, it is closer to the CBD, school campuses and to the property which has allowed me to travel less for work and study and allow me to be more poroactive with the landcare groups.

On the downside, we lost our dear four legged companion of eleven years. Biscuit was a much loved member of our family, and the shock of losing him so unexpectedly was quite jarring.

Healthwise, I have been more stable. Whilst being drug dependant for my mental stability is not ideal, I'd rather that and not the alternative. My weight has suffered due to the increased levels of arse-on-seat-edness that this year has brought, but I am hoping to change that in the coming year as I kick off the range of activities that are needed to be completed.

We took on an architect and working through the process have a passive, autonomous eco home designed and submitted to the planning office for approval. The house is just so us - whimsical, elegant and eccentric all in one. We're both very excited by the project ... but until the house sells, it is already starting to be a financial strain on top of the other financial commitments and we may find ourselves delaying the next part of the process due to a simple lack of cash flow.

Whilst I have chosen to take on all of the study, projects and activities that have been keeping me busy, I do miss and regret the lack of social interaction with both those I have shared my life with locally and abroad. There are so many people I interacted with online who's lives are hidden from me due to my lack of time to keep up whilst locally, the same story is repeated as work, study, homework, commitee meetings and all round business wipes out any semblance of spare time.

Overall, all said and done, I'd have to say the year has treated me well. After the last few years, it's a very nice change.

So, all in all, a good 2011.

I look forward to an even better 2012!
[Reposted from xntrek]

My year in review ...

2011-12-22T11:02:00.001+11:00

So, it's the end of another year and this one has been a full one.

After all the heartaches and mess I went through over the last few years of the noughties, the hectic pace of this year has been welcome, even if it hasn't always been smooth sailing.

Of course, the predominant part of my year was enveloped in the agricultural studies and activities which I have detailed in a seperate review.

From a personal point of view, it's been full of ups and downs.

This year we moved from our wonderful and recently renovated home in Narre Warren and put it up for sale just as the housing market dropped ... and Ingrid was made redundant. We recovered from the latter, but, the house has been sitting there, waiting for the right people to come, fall in love with it and afford to pay for it.

Moving into a rental home on the complete opposite side of Melbourne has been interesting. The house is older, smaller and less energy efficient than the one we left. That said, it is closer to the CBD, school campuses and to the property which has allowed me to travel less for work and study and allow me to be more poroactive with the landcare groups.

On the downside, we lost our dear four legged companion of eleven years. Biscuit was a much loved member of our family, and the shock of losing him so unexpectedly was quite jarring.

Healthwise, I have been more stable. Whilst being drug dependant for my mental stability is not ideal, I'd rather that and not the alternative. My weight has suffered due to the increased levels of arse-on-seat-edness that this year has brought, but I am hoping to change that in the coming year as I kick off the range of activities that are needed to be completed.

We took on an architect and working through the process have a passive, autonomous eco home designed and submitted to the planning office for approval. The house is just so us - whimsical, elegant and eccentric all in one. We're both very excited by the project ... but until the house sells, it is already starting to be a financial strain on top of the other financial commitments and we may find ourselves delaying the next part of the process due to a simple lack of cash flow.

Whilst I have chosen to take on all of the study, projects and activities that have been keeping me busy, I do miss and regret the lack of social interaction with both those I have shared my life with locally and abroad. There are so many people I interacted with online who's lives are hidden from me due to my lack of time to keep up whilst locally, the same story is repeated as work, study, homework, commitee meetings and all round business wipes out any semblance of spare time.

Overall, all said and done, I'd have to say the year has treated me well. After the last few years, it's a very nice change.

So, all in all, a good 2011.

I look forward to an even better 2012!
[Reposted from xntrek]

Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank ...

2011-12-08T09:46:00.001+11:00

Give a man a bank and he can rob the world.

I normally consider myself a knowledgeable person. No brighter or dafter than any other average person. Yet, this whole bank and mortgage game has me stumped.

I simply do not understand how it works.

So, a "bank" can lend money to me and charge me an interest rate for that money.

OK

That "bank" can lend out 10 times the amount of money it actually has in it's vaults.

TEN TIMES?

How does it lend out money it does not have?

Then, I have to pay interest on that amount I borrowed - not at the rate at which it was provided at the time of lending (the cash rate) but at a variable rate that alters as the cash rate alters.

Why?

Assuming that someone can explain that to me - can someone then explain how a bank can take a world-record beating time of 43 minuutes to increase the home loan rates when the Reserve Bank cash rate was last increased but three days after the last decrease still has not passed on the cut?

Why is it OK for them to then charge exorbiant fees on top for missed fees? to compound the interest payable and to charge us for statements on the state of ouyr accounts?

Why is this ok?

Why the hell do I feel so stupid trying to understand this?
[Reposted from xntrek]

My people are not commited to being bright ...

2011-11-18T10:32:00.001+11:00

[Reposted from xntrek]

I have calendars for everything ...

2011-11-10T17:03:00.001+11:00

This is what my outside-of-work life looks like from the view of my assessment commitments ...

Someone tell me again what I was thinking when I took all of this on?
[Reposted from xntrek]

Vegan Agendas?

2011-10-27T09:39:00.001+11:00

I was pointed to a blog today via twitter entitled "The Hidden Vegan Agenda"

In the post the author states that:

People say “veganism has a hidden agenda.”

Every aspect of animal consumption and slaughter takes place with a hidden agenda.

and then promptly goes into a full page tirade of the evil of meat production and consumption before concluding with the enlightened gem of

“Contrast this with eating a plant-based diet. There is nothing hidden about veganism. Everything we grow, everything we eat and discuss, is quite literally out in the open with anyone at any age”

Which is all very well and good, except the fact that it's a blinkered view. It blinkers the fact that plants are alive and have feelings – they have been recorded playing, and have been proven to have personalities and reactions – however, since they do not walk around, nor scream, nor even perform in a timeline that is along our own – it’s not a factor, is it?

Here’s the truth. Life eats life.

At the end of the day, all life consumes life. There is no exception. You are choosing a ethimoral stance based on the fact that food looked back at you – fine, no problem. But do not ever compare the wilful torture and torment of an animal at the hands of a psychopath-in-training to the humnane and ethical treatment of farm animals. Otherwise I may have to compare the Vegan manifesto in the same sentence as the Aryan charter.

The question of “Agenda” is that many people utilise emotive half-truths and clouded arguments rather than a truly objective, factual and reasoned argument.

Often, Vegans attack an industry or practice under the guise of the humane treatment of animalsand yet, will not be satisified until the entire industry is shut down. Hardly an argument for not having an agenda.

As for hiding the animals to food relationship – no farmers do that. That is an issue that is firmly the domain of those who are too superior to go out into the country and spend time learning about their food and the true practices of the farmers.

Humans are omnivores. It is the way we are gentically created. The “perfect” diet for us is one of 75% plant based and 25% meat based. This is true for all primate ape species – us, gorillas, chimpanzees.

Certain things may be choices – but do not turn it into a holy war.

[Reposted from xntrek]

New element Discovery: Cs

2011-09-29T16:52:00.002+10:00

A new Trace Element was discovered today - Common Sense (Cs) has been part of the human psyche and mythology throughout history, but proof of it's existence has long been debated. However, thanks to the work of scientists and particle acceleration based elctron spectroscopy, scientists have been able to find the rare element.
Unlike many other elements, Cs cannot exist beyond a single ppm of an object. The scientific team that made the historic discovery, Wundaer, Aldoe & Herzfott, discovered that they were able to determine the measure of the deficiency of Cs by bombarding an object with a short lived synthetic element Ss (affectionately called "the Stupids") and determining the uptake amount.
This measurement is referred to as the number of WAHs.
As one WAH is equivalent to one part per billion, it has created the common misconception of the absence of the Cs element.
A common Human being, for example, is said to have a Cs deficiency of between 3 to 12 WAHs.
More research is planned and government grants are being sought to determine public benefits to the research.
[Reposted from xntrek]

TED Talk : What we learned from 5 million books

2011-09-22T08:51:00.001+10:00

An extremely entertaining talk by Erez Lieberman Aiden and Jean-Baptiste Michel who show us how playing with Google Labs' NGram Viewer is an addictive tool that lets you search for words and ideas in a database of 5 million books from across centuries and a few of the surprising things we can learn from 500 billion words.

[Reposted from xntrek]

Eugenics influenced Melbourne ...

2011-09-13T09:16:00.001+10:00

Eugenics was the political correctness of it's times in the 1920s and 30s before it came out of style with WW2 and the holocaust. It still helped shape the socioecopolitical environment though ...

Victoria's first director of education, Frank Tate, a eugenicist, adopted many of [Richard] Berry's ideas. Tate supported a multi-streamed system of secondary education in which students at the age of 12 would be funnelled into vocational or academic schools.
In Victoria, a system of technical schools was established mainly in the northern and western suburbs in the 1920s. This was because Tate believed that the working class was genetically fit for a vocational education, but not an academic one. As his friend Berry said, ''You can't put a brain where there isn't one.''

The Age : A theory out of the darkness

[Reposted from xntrek]

RIP BISCUIT

2011-09-07T17:10:00.001+10:00

See the full gallery on Posterous

09.10.2000 - 07.09.2011
In our hearts and in our arms from the beginning to the very end.
He was loved and he will forever be missed though never absent from our hearts or thoughts.
[Reposted from xntrek]

Furry shaped heart strings ...

2011-09-06T23:59:00.001+10:00

Biscuit, our little eleven year old Persian is very sick. He was very lethargic, hadn't eaten or drunk anything in a few days and has lost over 700grams. When we saw the the vet today at 5pm, he tells us that he thinks it's likely kidney failure or something else just as serious that has a rapid onset and that Biscuit has a 50/50 chance of not surviving the next few days ...

I already was not coping with that news too well.

Then over the course of this evening - he got worse. He kept losing strength until he couldn't walk and then he started twitching ... a sign of possible convulsions and the horrors that such a condition brings. So we took him down to the Emergency Animal Vet Hospital where he is checked in and spending the night while they drip fluids into him and run further blood tests.

We are hoping to give him a fighting chance, and we are hoping he has what it takes to pick up ... but I have to prepare myself that he isn't coming out of this.

I don't want to put him down, but I don't want him to suffer either.

Knowing where that line rests is just as painful as seeing him deteriorate so quickly in just a few days.

[Reposted from xntrek]

So the wheel turns ...

2011-08-14T18:03:00.001+10:00

This is our home. It was our first. It was our marriage certificate and it was our anchor. For over a decade it has been much more than just a shelter.
Next week will see it becoming the stepping stone to our continued tree change project and hopefully it will also be the beginning of someone else's dream as it goes onto the market ...
[Reposted from xntrek]

Men beware: HDS could strike you!

2011-06-01T15:13:00.001+10:00

From the "things wot at lunch I learns" category:

44 year old men, in particular, are "most at risk" to succumbing to a new social disease that is spreading across the country ... and you'll never guess who the carriers are!

[Reposted from xntrek]

I'm a butterfly!

2011-06-01T07:13:00.001+10:00

[Reposted from xntrek]

The war of the grasses

2011-05-28T13:09:00.001+10:00

See the full gallery on Posterous

I hope that my lawn growing skills transfer over to pasture growing because Damn! I need serious hardware to tackle this thing, like a solid metal brushcutter!
[Reposted from xntrek]

I'm not sure I want to shop here ...

2011-05-26T21:11:00.001+10:00

[Reposted from xntrek]

Facebook is making fat jokes now ...

2011-05-17T10:51:00.001+10:00

Asshole.
[Reposted from xntrek]

This is not, in fact, me.

2011-05-16T17:54:00.001+10:00

I was sent this by a friend asking me if I had started modelling for Drizabone and R.M.Williams ...

I know, I know, he looks like me ... and has a similar stance ... and i have the same jeans ... and similar glasses ... and the hat ... but other than that, we're nothing alike.

I have come to the conclusion that all fat, hairy, glass wearing rural guys look the same.

[Reposted from xntrek]

Well, shit, I guess I was duped ...

2011-05-14T19:32:00.001+10:00

Well, to be more precise, I guess I was happy to believe a line about evil profiteering pharmaceuticals ...

After going back and doing a little bit more research about the previous post (Pharmaceuticals ignore cancer cure ...) I discover a more detailed analysis and response to the situation:

Unfortunately, the New Scientistarticle and articles in the Edmonton Sun featured headlines to that effect and quotes bythe investigator Evangelos Michelakis lamenting how he had had difficulties finding funding to do the next step, clinical trials in cancer. As a result of these sensationalistic stories, unscrupulous "businessmen" sought to bring DCA to the masses. A frenzy of sorts was unleashed, with desperate cancer patients scrambling to find DCA. If you're interested in the details, scroll to the end of this post for a list of the numerous blog posts that I did on the topic as the story was evolving. That's the past, and all the "Insolence" and science are there for you if you want to read it.

and read it I did.

One has to remember that cancer is not just one disease. Not only that, but even a single type cancer is often not just one disease. As I have written extensively about before, cancer is incredibly complex. Because of that complexity, it's incredibly unlikely that any one drug will be any sort of "magic bullet" to cure cancer. Worse, simply using a drug like DCA outside the auspices of well-designed clinical trials will virtually guarantee that we will never know for sure whether the drug actually works. Because of that, as frustrating as it is, as slow as it is, letting science take its course to determine if DCA works, how it works, and for what cancers it works is the best method to make sure that the most patients are helped and the fewest are harmed. I don't say this because I want DCA to fail; I say it because I want DCA to be shown to be an efficacious treatment for cancer.

-- read the full article at the source

[Reposted from xntrek]

Pharmaceuticals ignore cancer cure ...

2011-05-14T09:02:00.001+10:00

Researchers at the University of Alberta, in Edmonton, Canada have cured cancer last week, yet there is a little ripple in the news or in TV. It is a simple technique using very basic drug. The method employs dichloroacetate, which is currently used to treat metabolic disorders. So, there is no concern of side effects or about their long term effects.

This drug doesn’t require a patent, so anyone can employ it widely and cheaply compared to the costly cancer drugs produced by major pharmaceutical companies.

Canadian scientists tested this dichloroacetate (DCA) on human’s cells; it killed lung, breast and brain cancer cells and left the healthy cells alone. It was tested on Rats inflicted with severe tumors; their cells shrank when they were fed with water supplemented with DCA. The drug is widely available and the technique is easy to use, why the major drug companies are not involved?/p>

[...]

Pharmaceutical companies are not investing in this research because DCA method cannot be patented, without a patent they can’t make money, like they are doing now with their AIDS Patent. Since the pharmaceutical companies won’t develop this, the article says other independent laboratories should start producing this drug and do more research to confirm all the above findings and produce drugs. All the groundwork can be done in collaboration with the Universities, who will be glad to assist in such research and can develop an effective drug for curing cancer.

-- source
[Reposted from xntrek]

1 in 8.

2011-05-11T13:49:00.001+10:00

In the 200,000 years since Homo Sapiens took her first steps across the African plains, just 57 billion people have ever lived.Astonishingly that means over 12% of all the people ever born are walking the planet at this very moment. Or to put it another way: one in eight people who have ever been born are alive today.

-- Source
[Reposted from xntrek]

Wacky Wednesday Whine

2011-05-04T10:20:00.001+10:00

This last week and a half has been hectic. I am in my usual situation of doing toooooooo many things and unable to give any of them up in fear that my life is very much a working reality special of a kerplunk game ...

Which brings up another point. I realised that my entire life is run by fear. Fear, fear, fear and fear. It may seem strange to some people, but in all aspects of my life, fear is the biggest factor holding me back. They say that acknowledgement is half the battle ... but without Jedi powers, how is one supposed to face the rancor that is the beast inside?

Anyhow.

That aside, my mind space is filled with concepts that are fighting to come out. With the lack of either relaxation nor Internet connectivity or, for that matter, computing time ... I am failing to get the opportunity to release them into any form of solid form. It's an opportunity I need to make time for, because it is how I manage to solidify my thoughts and reshape my thinking.

Thinking.

My mind, in all honesty, has not been the same since my breakdown a few years ago. My mental acuity, at least from a very subjective point of view, does not seem to be at the same level as it used to be. Mind you, the amount of stress is also no longer there ... so I sometimes wonder if the combination of stress, pressure, fear and drive created a constant "fight or flight" response that kept my mind at a level of activity that was (in hindsight) unsustainable, and thus my subjective view of my diminished intelligence and acuity? I don't know how to answer that.

There are too many rancors in my mind's dungeon ... and this team status meeting is almost over, so I better sign off and get back to the consulting gig I'm working on.

[Reposted from xntrek]

La La Laaaaa ...

2011-05-02T10:55:00.001+10:00

We packed, moved and unpacked half our house this weekend ... so, that's all we did.

This week we are probably going to do the some more of the same every night as we discovered that since there is no TV, no internet and no computes at our place and while they are available at the rental place, there's no electricity there until Thursday ... that the range of pastime activities after 8pm come down to reading, sleeping and one other bedroom based activity.

Among the list of tasks, I still need to:

organise a gardener to spruce up the yards

finish the side retaining wall and garden

patch and paint the ensuite

patch and paint the study

fix the 3 skirting boards and one window architrave I have failed to fix

organise the window guys to replace the two cracked panes

organise a new front door

hire some rental furniture

List the property for sale

I also have to build some screens to put together a cat run at the rental as well ...

I may not be relishing this part of the "plan" ... I know that my goals require sacrifice, but this is ludicrous!

Ah, well, I have no one to blame but my own dreamy self. I wanted this farm plan and eco home ... so I need to shut up and get on with it I guess.
[Reposted from xntrek]

One of the negative attributes of human psychology is our tendency to fight to the death to defend our beliefs, performing feats of mental gymnastics as we go

2011-03-05T06:36:00.001+11:00

This is, in my not so humble opinion, one of humanities greatest weaknesses and one that infects every single one of us, including those who have dedicated themselves to seeking the truth and being objective.

See?

2011-02-12T21:22:00.001+11:00

Sterling Grey Contact Lens

New eyes

2011-02-12T21:08:00.001+11:00

So, when I was ordering my usual ninety day supply of daily disposable contacts, I was made aware of a buy 4, get 4 free offer on coloured lenses. Normally they don't have coloured lenses for far sighted (+3.00) prescriptions, let alone in toric configurations. Yet they did this time! So I bought them. I will now have sterling grey eyes for the next fortnight.

“If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face — forever.”

2011-02-11T17:58:00.001+11:00

“If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face — forever.”

-- George Orwell, 1984

Every time you ignore one section of society and allow them to be treated as second class citizens, you take one step closer to authorising this behaviour.

Every time you turn away from this behaviour, you take one step closer to being the one kicked.

Dear Friday, stop trying to be Monday!

2011-02-11T09:18:00.001+11:00

Between the lack of sleep, the huge storm last night that exasperated the already flood and rain damaged areas and roads, the three cancelled services and the humidity, today is not shaping up to be a good day. I'm already over 90 minutes late and I forgot my headphones.

Is it too early for fermented malt on ice?

Social media : the end of gender?

2011-02-10T10:58:00.001+11:00

Imagine a media atmosphere that isn't dominated by lame stereotypes about gender and other demographic characteristics. Can you even imagine what that looks like?

Media researcher Johanna Blakley makes an argument today that seems a little bit crazy - social media will create the end of gender based media and advertising.

It's an interesting concept - and one that I hope I will see the effect from in my lifetime.

Make work-life balance work ...

2011-02-10T07:42:00.001+11:00

Extremely relevant to my, and your, interests.

Untitled

2011-02-09T09:54:00.001+11:00

Truth, as found in a cookbook.

Snapped from my copy of "Building a Meal: From Molecular Gastronomy to Culinary Constructivism" by French Chemist and one of my personal food heros: Hervé This

Gay Christian?

2011-02-08T22:24:00.001+11:00

Is this a gay Christian fish symbol?

Because, that is how I'm choosing to interpret it ...

Dear Commuter ...

2011-02-08T11:14:00.001+11:00

who decided that just as the train is arriving was the right time to purchase a $50 ticket - with a bag full of 20c coins.

I’m sure it’s okay. I mean, all of the commuters behind you wanted to miss that train and catch the next train … no, really.

This blog has moved on ...

2006-07-15T09:20:00.000+10:00
Just a quick note to let you all know that I decided to consolidate all of my blogs into one place, and thus have moved them all to : http://xntrek.wordpress.com/

Pleasure Unit Theory and Free Will

2006-04-15T14:22:00.000+10:00
Well, I was reading Scott Adam's Blog where he floated a working theory called the Pleasure Unit Theory as a means to describe why humans behave they way they do.

Of course, in doing so, Scott dismesses the concept of free will. Apparently, this has put a few noses out of joint.

The way I see this, everyone's right. It's a bit like the scientists arguing over wether matter was waves or particles ... till quantum proved it was both or either.

I think life is like that too - the reality is life is particles - I mean no one chooses to be born a leper or an STD ridden baby - that's the unfortunate luck of the draw. At every point in life, where we do have a choice to make, free will kicks in - and I think that's when the PUT kicks in ...

Let's imagine for a moment, a boy who was born on the wrong side of the tracks - he's lived a bad life, surrounded by crime and depravity. Now, he had no free will in his situation - but every choice he makes therafter is based on his decision tree. That decision tree is part of his "free will" ... but, I think Scott's theory works here, the decision tree is influenced by the boy's interpretation of the pleasure units he will recieve with each decision.

Thus human behaviour is created, and the circle is completed.

Adult Friends

2006-04-13T23:49:00.000+10:00
Recently I started checking out some of those adult match making sites. Okay, maybe I should start from the beginning.

Nearly two years ago, my partner started playing the SIMS2 game. She got hooked. Before you could spell Maxis, she was making mods and getting into the whole community thing.

Long story short, she'd rather do that on the weekends than some of the activities I'd prefer. I wanted us to go out and get our open water diving certification, learn surfing, go hiking ... but she's not interested. In the end she told me to find someone else to do these activities with.

So, I asked the usual suspects among my group of friends and colleagues - but that wasn't fruitful. Thus I thought I'd give these sites a go to seek out potential new friends interested in the same thing.

Since I've also started traveling interstate for work again, I thought it might be good to open the net out for people to catch up with when traveling.

So, I hit a few sites and spend some time wrtting up profile that is pretty specific about what I'm after. Turns out I may as well not have bothered - but not the way you think!

Seems that regardless of what you write, people will begin contacting you willy nilly. In the last three days I've been contacted by a girl who's into public sex, another who wanted someone to humiliate her, a couple that wanted a bi-guy to join them and today harassed by some guy who wanted me to bonk his wife!

Even the so called friend finder network is not safe from these ... people ... of differing persuasions.

In the chat channels of friend finder, there seems to be too many guys (but yes a few gals too) who are way too interested in bonking each others brains out. Hey, good for them. It does however mean that it is difficult for someone like me to create friendships because everyone is too busy thinking with their libido or so used to battling them - its now reflex.

I think part of the problem I face is that I am in a strange space at the moment. I'm 32 and I have the experiences of most 40-somethings, the restleness of a 20 year old and I think my body is siding with my experiences when it comes too appearance and ailments.

Maybe this is what they call a mid-life crisis?

The other problem I have is that I'm a walking contradiction. Part of me is a traditionalist, another an eternal optimist, yet another a bitter cynic and finally a hapless romantic.

Within the context of this rave it translates to me thinking back to the chat systems of the BBS' of the 80's, the birth of synchronous chat and its supercedence by IRC at the turn of the 90's ... mainly I think about how they were community minded, how people remembered that someone was behind a keyboard on the other side of that screen name and how true friends could be created from those rooms.

Heck I was the best man to someone I met online and still consider one of my closest friends.

I miss that world and wish it could be like that again. Yet part of me wants to see what the future holds and what bubble of surprises and new experiences are in store for me.

Maybe I just need to chill - akuna mattana - and see if this tree will bear fruit.

if you're gonna flaunt it - then do so ... but only if you've got it!

2005-12-27T19:08:00.000+11:00
Well, it's summer, and for those that know me, it means my fashion nazi police side comes out in force.

Primarily, most of my issues arise around female fashion.

Oh, it's not that the men don't give me cause for concern especially with the "faux hawk" (you know the one! That "not quite a Mohawk" cut that looks like someone shoved gel onto their hair and then proceeded to shove their head up a mate's behind to get "the look") and don't even get me started on the pink polo with the collar up!

But oh, women! The gender that is meant to have it all together and knows how to dress! What the hell happened!?!?

Did they accidentally burn their fashion sense with their bras in the 60's?

Have liberating free love vibes been clubbed to death by the prudish no sex please we're Christian virgins brigade only to be revived by a fashion senseless youth who haven't quite got it?

With the plethora of examples out there, I don't even know where to start ...

There's one thing I do need to begin with there's a recurring theme in my rant today - SIZE. Specifically, I'm talking the number on the label of your chosen piece of apparel. If you're meant to be a 10, then buy a ten - if you're meant to be a 14, then buy a fourteen - do not buy under the illusion that you'll "shrink into it"! If you drop from a fourteen to a twelve, then go out and buy a size 12! Until that moment, don't try to squeeze into one!

So. Other than size, where do I start? Oh! Wait! Looking out the window, I see my first example ...

White under white
Now, as a man, I really should not be complaining about this at all! If you want to wear tight white pants and let the whole world know you like to wear fairy floss G's while making it distinctly obvious what the shape of each your buttocks is, then please, by all means, continue to wear white underwear!

Perhaps, however, if this is not your intention, try beige.

Oh, and before the "purists" besiege me with cries of "beige isn't sexy", please try and remember one basic thing - men don't really care about the lingerie ... sure, we like certain types more than others, but really, when you get right down to the crunch - it's a momentary scenic attraction on the way to happy town ... it doesn't really become important until the initial passion and newness of a relationship wears off, and then they like to know that you still care enough to try and show off your assets in a new display case. Ooh, look at that two lessons for the price of one!

Hipsters
Now, personally I like the little schmoo protruder jeans. I've always said it - if you got it, flaunt it. However, here's the deal ... if you're a size 12 and you've got a nice waist and or hips and you want to show them off, then please, oh please, buy a size 12 pair of hipsters! A size 10 does not make you look more attractive, in fact it does quite the opposite!

See, because of the basic laws of physics, the pressure you've now placed your nether region under by squeezing them into a pair of pants a size or two smaller than your actual physical circumference requires a displacement of mass ... in short, things move. Usually this means one of three things - the entire waist area now "breaks out" over the jeans (aka a muffin top), just the gut breaks and hangs out over the top (aka a gunt) or it all moves to your ass make you look like a bubble butt.

Oh, and another thing - if you're gonna buy these sort of jeans, it is assumed that you want to flaunt something, are not overly self conscious and being the right size, they sit properly ... this means that you shouldn't have a requirement to walk down the street grabbing your beltline (is it still called a beltline at that height?) every three seconds and trying to pull it back up, looking like all the world that you're trying to give yourself a wedgie!

Mini Skirts
Oh, the little eenie meenie tiny weenie skirt flirtini! It's a wonderful piece of apparel ... for some.

The idea behind the old mini is to (first and foremost) show off your legs. It's second attraction is the age old phenomena of the illusion of nudity is far more intriguing than nudity itself.

So, back to basics - size, the correct size means it's not going to ride up (the riding phenomena is due to those basic laws of physics I spoke about earlier regarding materials under pressure) and thus no need for you to constantly tug at your hemline every other second as you walk down the street.

Also, at the risk of sounding (more?) like a male sexist pig ... the primary idea is to show off your legs. So, if you don't have good legs, or you don't believe you have good legs, then ... why the hell are you wearing a mini to begin with? Walking out onto a crowded, public, highly male populated promenade is the wrong time to be self conscious of the men staring or commenting on your legs ... think about that before you wear it and walk out of the house.

Crop Tops
Ditto the size, the self conscious, the constant tugging down, etc ...

Bikinis
Ditto the size, the self conscious, etc ... oh, to heck with it ... if you reeeealy want to wear a bikini a size smaller than your body surface area requires, bite the damn bullet and just go a g-string/v-string/t-box/thong!

Heck, do away with the top and just put on a couple of pasties while you're at it!

Just, (please, oh please!) don't go walking down the beach with a hand constantly up your backside trying to fish out a tiny triangle of material every three minutes when those laws of physics kick back in ...

Jeans
Here's the deal ... jeans come in a variety of shapes, sizes, cuts, styles and colours. This means, that somewhere out there is a variety of jeans that is designed for you - it will flatter your touche, your legs and your general appearance.

So explain to me then, why I am constantly seeing women walk down the street looking like all the world that they just took a dump in their drawers? Or, for that matter, jeans that separate and quarter their ass or legs looking like a bandaged ham?

Of course, by now, you should be more than aware about my feelings on size ... so I shan't repeat that once again.

Potato Sacks
Just to be different, I'm going to take the opposite side of the size debate here. If you're a size 12, then don't buy a size 14. Period.

If you're really interested in wearing volumeness, unattractive, unflattering clothes ... then dispense with the illusion of a distinct fashion sense by discarding the floral print and go right to a Hessian sack with a hemp rope.

You may as well, it has the same effect.

If you are self conscious about your body (or a puritan), then consider an Indian sari - stylish, elegant and distinctively feminine - yet can be defining and obscuring at exactly the same time.

If you're completely self-conscious, then maybe a burkha is more up your ally?

As for "baggy clothing" ... unless you're actively part of a recording and touring hip-hop group, a bag lady or just lost three dress sizes overnight - there's no excuses.

Now. If I haven't been hunted down and stoned by every female rights group, militant feminists, fashion journalists, the editors of Cleo, clothing store attendants, target catalogue fashion models or my friends ... maybe I'll post something else up next week ...

TTFN!

Addendums:
-----------

Ken dropped me a line (January 3^rd) - here are his additional thougts on the subject:

Lycra
Not everyone can wear this, in fact only a small percentage of the populus should wear this. Most people do not have a figure that lycra will consider complementary. Lycra is very revealing and should only be warn if you have something to reveal.

Males with underwear showing above their jeans
This is just stupid. If you don't want to ware the right size then accept people laughing behind your back. You might as well get use to them laughing in your face. I keep waiting on them to trip over their jeans as they get under their shoes. Think about this, if you are pulling up your pants all the time they don't fit. Buy a smaller pair or buy a belt. Your pants stay up and your hands are free.

Jeans or tracksuit pants under skirts.
If you are going to wear a skirt, do so. If you are going to wear jeans or tracksuit pants do so. These are not part of the same apparel and should not be treated like they are. If you are going to wear a skirt then your legs should be out there. If it is to cold then don't wear the skirt.

When talking fashion in todays world yer right ... It was hard enough only commenting on three things.

are you committed to sparkle motion?

2005-12-11T23:17:00.000+11:00
Between one group of my (mad) friends, a topic was raised. It seems a tagline on an eMail one of them received stated "I doubt your commitment to sparkle motion".

We where intrigued ... what the hell is sparkle motion, and why should we have a commitment to it?

The line is actually a reference to the movie Donnie Darko. However, even in that movie - there's no reference to what sparkle motion actually is ... our minds have raced with the possibilities.

Our resident pervert suggested that our commitment should be to the stripper/porn actress by the same name.

I'm hoping there's a better use of our commitment.

Really, I just want a definitive answer to what sparkle motion is ... heck, make it up ...

Coming Soon

2005-10-24T20:28:00.000+10:00
Something that has really got up my nose lately is a growing trend towards the overtly free utilisation of the "coming soon" phrase.
It's everywhere you go, in all of it's different variants!

New Movie! Your Favorite Genre! Your favorite stars! COMING SOON to a cinema near you!
Brand new store! Opening SOON!
New flavor! Appearing SOON!
Brand new Gadget! Released in the near future!
To show the ridiculousness of this concept, in November of 2004 a building was completed not a 10 minute walk from my house. Two huge billboards have gone up - LOCAL VETERINARIAN - Opening Soon!
That was over twelve months ago! We're still waiting!
At the Crown Casino, a storefront with the blazing letters announcing a store by the name of DOTCOM has been declaring that they'll be OPENING SOON for over three months now.
It's just plain ludicrous!
I want a law to dictate the use of the word SOON.
I nominate that soon cannot equal an amount of time greater than two months. That should be enough time for anyone!
I think based on the current liberal usage I can legitimately say things like:
I will be irresistible to all women SOON!
I will be richer than Bill Gates, SOON!
I will be smarter than Stephen Hawking, SOON!
I will be hailed as a God by all humanity, SOON!
I will be finished on this rant, SOON!

of Cars and Choices ...

2005-09-26T16:57:00.000+10:00
I started out so well, maintaining my two ‘blogs everyday … and then life got in the way … and I’ve been on the go non-stop with a dozen different things … but, alas I have a breather, enough time to scribe a little something …

So, what’s been happening? I’ve been doing the whole domestic thing – you know, building a retaining wall, cleaning, cooking, etc … pretty boring, mundane, yet time consuming tasks.

Oh, I’ve been looking at new cars! After spending a small fortune on fixing a broken gear on my current sporty number, I decided I need to look at new options. So, a few weeks back, I started researching vehicles, and taking lots of test drives.

I’ve discovered quite a fair bit in this time … the most important lesson is what you think you want may not be what you actually want – nor need in fact.

Having almost always had sporty cars (short of my original Humber Super Snipe, or the company/lease vehicles) I started looking at the Mazda RX8, Nissan 350Z and Honda S2000 almost without thinking … So off I went down the comparison path.

On paper, the RX8 comes out on top, good balance of sporty and comfort features, reasonably priced, etc … but when I went out and test drove it, I was so disappointed! Earlier in the year, I had test-driven the RX8 Special Edition, and that was pretty good … but the standard model was clunkier, not as responsive, etc …

It was seriously a case of great body … and that’s it … Now, I’ve driven and run a number of old RX3’s and RX7’s … and I’d happily replace this even with the issue bound RX7 SII! Heck, my current MX6 performed better in almost all arenas!

This caused a pause in my search as I stepped back and re-evaluated my requirements and my desires. I’ve enjoyed my sports cars, loved the feel, the rush, the cornering, etc … but a new element has come into my thinking – no, not petrol pricing, although it is now a higher priority factor – but comfort. I spend a minimum of two hours going to and fro work. Sports seats are great when you’re zooming around a 75-degree bend at 80+ clicks an hour … but have you ever had to spend an hour and half in one in stop start traffic?

For that matter, have you ever been stuck in a “drivers car” during peak hour traffic? All of a sudden, you get bored, uncomfortable, irritated – and all your muscles ache as all of this mounts up and you’re changing up and down between 1st and 3rd while moving less than 20-clicks an hour!

So, for the first time in my life, I’ve put comfort above performance. With this new direction in mind, I started looking at anything labelled “luxury”.

So, off I went, and drove, and looked, and drove some more … and finally was taken in by the new Lexus IS250 (or colloquially named the baby-GS). Even put down a deposit!

So, happy with my new choice, I go off to my Novated Lease provider and tell them the news, only for a couple of realities to be thrown back quite hard.

Based on my 40,000 clicks a year Odometer, a five year lease is BAD
In their opinion (and, coincidentally, that of my accountant) anyone who needs a five-year lease can’t afford the car and shouldn’t be looking at it …
Based on a three-year lease, I’d have 120,000 clicks on the clock – most cars won’t support a resale anywhere near equal to the residual value …
The Lexus loses the most value of almost any other car in it’s range.

Well, damn!

So, I went off and did some more research – this time on cars that were three years old with over 100,000 on the clock. And you know what? There were only two car types that consistently maintained a reasonable value in comparison to others in the same range.

The two? Mercedes-Benz and BMW.

Quite honestly, I never thought I’d ever be the owner or driver of either type.

So, I looked harder at the lower-end offerings from both, the Mercedes-Benz C180 Avantgarde and the BMW 320i Execuitive.

In the end, I liked the Beemer more, althought the Merc will probably hold it’s value better.

So, I’m in the process of getting quotes, messing around with figures, driving my lease company rep mad (sorry Luke!) and going a little nuts myself.

Anyhow, I’ll let you know how I go in the end.

Ciao!

Of art, food and weddings ...

2005-09-05T20:12:00.000+10:00
Well, it has been another interesting weekend.

I apologise for not updating my blog lately, but I’ve been suffering from tiredness … I just can’t seem to shake it either.

Anyhow, this weekend I had two interesting experiences.

On Saturday night, I went to an art exhibition. An “Art Provocateur” exhibition, to be exact. There were some interesting exhibitions, from photos from a BDSM ball, to drawings of BDSM scenes, some interesting pencil drawings of Xena and Gabrielle getting it on, a Latex curtain, dolls in birdcages, and some paintings that to describe will have my blog banned in 23 different countries.

There were also live performances held at this exhibition. A lovely lady performed a suspension. Her partner had carefully tied her up in a lovely red-silk rope and then suspended her from a large winch hook. Now, regardless if you’re into that sort of thing or not, the style, theatrics and overall effect were spectacular. You also have to admire a woman who is willing to place herself in a vulnerable public position and especially in light of the fact that she was afraid of heights … major Kudo’s to her!

The other exhibition, well, lets just say I have no idea what the point was. Perhaps I’m a BDSM Luddite and therefore could not understand the little intricacies of the performance, or maybe it was just plain boring.

This exhibition involved a all-but-naked woman donning a WWII gas mask and a black strap-on, being taped (yes, taped, as in gaffa) by a man in leather chaps, a leather mask and a cage around his member.

So, he taped, alternating between gaffa, plastic strips, masking, “fragile” packing tape and “wet paint” tape. First her arms, then her legs … and so on and so forth for hours … no, I mean it, I don’t mean it felt like hours, it was … starting at about 7-ish by 11, he had just finished the arms … I later heard that when they kicked everyone out at just past midnight, they went to a hotel room and kept taping (yes that’s all – taping) till 6 AM!

The only thing that sort-of kept my interest before I fell into a coma was the woman (slave) kneeling on the ground next to this couple who would bark (almost naturally) and try to bite the donger that the taping girl would wave in her face occasionally.

The dog-girls master was languished across a table above her slave, in a lovely revealing slinky black dress. Would have been interesting to see her do something – anything – rather than languish there and pout, looking for all the world like a smile would kill her. She was rather tasty though.

Anyhow, after my friends used the cattle-prod woke me from my stupor, we drove down to Fitzroy and enjoyed a phenomenal meal at Madame SouSou. Good food, good booze and good company … the way a meal should be.

Sunday morning was hectic. Being father’s day, and having a wedding to go to, as well as needing to get my usual tasks done (you know – dry cleaning, basic shopping, return faulty goods, etc) was too much. We rushed around like maniacs, missed the church event, had the car get stuck in fifth gear (broken cog), organised a spare from my brother-in-laws dad, had a fathers day lunch, got changed, drive to the reception (not before getting lost!) and finally made it in a little late, but before the bridal party came in.

It was a good Italian wedding reception too, the food was divine (and even though I come from an Italian background, still too many courses!) and did I mention plentiful? The company on the table was friendly, jovial and extremely light-hearted.

The bride and groom were stunning and so happy, that at one point I was sure that the only reason they were still smiling was that they had smiling-muscle-cramps.

So, after a pleasant night of dancing, eating, drinking, joking and general festivities, I finally made it home at about a tad before two am.

This morning I had to drive back up to Tullamarine (which, for those that don’t know, is clear across town – approx 70-odd kilometres along the interconnecting freeways) to where my car had broken down and was left overnight. After waiting for the tow truck (for damn near two-hours!) I organised for it to be towed to the Mazda dealership … and it will probably be a week (two?) before I get it back.

So, that’s been my weekend. It can only get better from here, right?

I want to be a PLEASURE ACTIVIST

2005-08-22T18:23:00.000+10:00
I was catching up on some of Triple-J's Hack (a half-hour current affairs style shown on the National youth broadcast station) Programme, when I started listening to "Men who watch porn together" and the follow up story "Has porn changed your life?" and in that second story, a lady rang up claiming she was a Pleasure Activist.

Now, I'm not exactly sure what a Pleasure Activist is or does, but I think I want in!

Do you know what a Pleasure Activist is?

Are you a pleasure activist?

Drop me a line!

Enlighten me!

Sunday Night Dichotomy

2005-08-21T23:07:00.000+10:00
Do you ever find yourself in two minds?

How do you get back?

I'm sitting here and recovering from my Saturday Night. On the one hand I want to go out and boogie on, on the other I need to recover in a stargate sarcophagus.

Last night was one of entertainment and debauchery that can only be experienced with the words "bucks night". After a night of drinking, mucking around, drinking, "educational entertainment", drinking, clubbing, drinking and finally home ... I was, to use the colloquialism, rat-shit.

Due to the strict non-disclosure-agreement signed for the event, all I can say, is that fun and frivolity was had, and I dare say more than one victim, err, guest, will still be nursing side effects on Monday.

Today's been pretty boring, finally woke up at 1330. Realised I promised a friend I'd go to the home show where he has a huge stand and take some photos, but that wasn't going to happen now. On top of which my lovely partner demanded I head off to Coles and do the groceries, go to the deli and pick up the lunch meats (and biccies of-course!), head to the pharmacy and get a few more things ... so nearly three hours later, I finally get home and I'm exhausted. However, if I want to eat anything other than a can of baked beans or take-away, i need to do the cooking, so into the kitchen I go to prepare some Lamb Ribs marinated in a black pepper sauce with a crushed potato mash with parsley, chives, dill and garlic. Finally, I needed to do some washing, so I shoved a load in.

So, now I'm proverbially stuffed. So, with that I bid you all a good night, and a good night to all.

So, it's the end of my first week ...

2005-08-19T21:50:00.000+10:00
Sorry about the long delay in-between posts, but I can't begin to tell you how hard it has been on my poor brain this last week.

My Monday started with a general two-hour introduction to my new host company. Lots of the usual stuff - you know, how big we are, who our key customers are, where we're heading, policies to remember, etc.

Then I jump into the guiding arms of my buddy, who takes me up, shows round the place, introduces me to my new team-mates (who seem pretty ok on first inspection), and shows me to my new desk.

The rest of the week is pretty much going through the departmental induction process (which, by the way, is about 30-odd webex presentations on every aspect of the job, policies, guidelines, collaboration, etc). This can be simultaneously interesting and mind numbing while quickly reaching the information overload marker.

So I've survived that, only to find that you have to be careful what you wish for! I mentioned on Tuesday that I wish I had some projects on, so at least I could chew on a bone. Well, by Friday, I had five on my plate!

unfortunately, none of these I can do anything about, for one reason or another, and so, I'm twiddling my thumbs until the work can come round again.

As part of the global structure, a cool process that is in place is a formalised peer document review. So, I spent the end of the week going through four different proposals. That was fun.

Anyhows, my information overloaded mind is now officially numb, so I'm off to bed.

TTFN

What a week!

2005-08-14T14:02:00.000+10:00
Wow, here we are at the end of the second week of August already!

In the last fortnight, I've come another year closer to my use-by date, I've resigned and left my previous employer, I've flown up to Sydney and attended a conference, had some Monday night madness (see previous post), flown back to Melbourne, had some coffee with some old work colleagues, built half a retaining wall in the backyard, went out for some dinner with one of my best friends in celebration of her getting closer to her use-by date and am currently preparing to celebrate my dad's 65^th tonight at a surprise party we've organised for him.

Phew!

Tomorrow I start my new life as a Solutions Architect with a worldwide Professional Services organisation ... I hear from my contacts in said company, that my name has already been bandied about in relation to a number of projects ... so it promises to be an interesting and exciting time.

Life in general is good, not too much to rant about at the moment, which is why (along with the aforementioned busy-ness) I haven't made too many entries lately.

I finally (after 4-odd years of fighting, grovelling and waiting) have had my ADSL service approved. I received my Modem/Router and central splitter by courier, went about installing everything ... and nothing.

Seems a technician forgot about the part of ACTIVATING the port at the exchange after approving it. So, I now have to wait for the Helstra people to work out their bums from their thumbs and get that back in order for me.

Well, that's about it for today ... I'm off to pick up some dry cleaning, and then get ready for tonight. I'm sure I'll report in tomorrow with news of my first day at the new place.

TTFN.

Monday night madness

2005-08-08T23:48:00.000+10:00
So, tonight was my first night in Sydney. I came up for a conference on the red-eye this morning, straight into a whirlwind of techno-business knowledge and finally arrived (via the cocktail party) at my hotel room, feeling a little worse for wear and looking forward to a good night's sleep.

Unfortunately, I've hit that over-tired speed hump where I'm just not going to get any sleep if I go to bed now ... so, off to the bar downstairs to sink a few Corona's and burn that puppy out. On my way back from my little nightcap adventure, I go to my floor, and an Asian lady follows me out of the lift. She casually remarks on my sense of fashion style and asks if I'm a musician. No, I reply, just well dressed. She asks if I'm busy at the moment, it's her first night in Sydney, and she'd like a little company. OK, I say, so back to the bar we go for a chat and a few extra drinks.

She informs me she's from Shanghai, here on an exchange program with the Sydney Orchestra for a performance on the weekend. I respond with the usual questions of curiosity and small talk - how did you get into music? what's the weather like in Shanghai? etc, etc ... and similar questions are asked (and answered) from the opposite end of the table.

After forty minutes or so, I inform my new friend that it has been a long day and I'm going off to retire. She agrees she should also do the same, and we continue our chat as we go back to our respective rooms.

We reach my room first and she asks if I'd like a coffee before going to bed? I mention that I'm not going to make the effort to go back to the bar, so she suggests we just make an instant coffee from the in-room kettle.

[Yes, OK, this should have been an obvious cue - I know! I just wasn't thinking with that frame of mind]

So, I [stupidly] agree and we enter my room, where I put on the kettle and make preparations to pour two cups of coffee. She asks me if I mind if she uses the bathroom? Why would I mind? Off she goes, and I kick up the laptop to check my email account.

After a few minutes, she comes out ... naked as the day she was born.

I've quickly turned away and ask her to put some clothes on, and she [seemingly confusedly] places a towel around her.

She asks what's wrong? I mention that my partner may seriously object to this behaviour. She retorts that my partner isn't here, and that we should continue to provide each other with company for the rest of the night.

I patiently explain that I'm not like that and would very much appreciate it if she would go back into the bathroom and replace her clothing.

She goes back in, and I'm sitting in my room astounded that I missed the cues! I just wasn't thinking like that, and those that know me know that I'm a genuinely friendly bloke who likes to meet new people ... so, that, and my tiredness, are going to be the cloak of my excuse.

She comes back out and tells me that my wife must be very lucky, how long have we been together? Twelve years, I reply. Shes asks with a bewildered look if I've never been with another women in all that time? No, I haven't, I reply. So, she leans in, and in the most earnest of faces says, "you know, it's good to have a change every now and again".

Damn, where was this sort of forwardness 13 years ago?

I thank her for her interest, and ask her to please leave my room now, as I no longer feel comfortable with her presence there. She asks if I mind if she finishes her coffee first, and I grant the concession.

After a few minutes, she finishes her coffee, makes another pass and I finally forcibly ask her to leave, herding her towards the door.

So she finally leaves the room and I'm left thinking about a weird night alone in my room. After twenty minutes or so, I decide I'll go out for a cigarette and clear my thoughts with some crisp night air, so I make my way to the lobby and am asked by the concierge if I'd like another key made for my wife?

I respond that I'm staying alone, but thanks. He responds with "oh".

So, curious, I ask him to explain, he mentions that a room service call was made from my room earlier, and that "my wife" signed for it at the door, and then said she had locked herself out, but would eat the meal downstairs until her husband got out of the shower.

Well, blow me down! The sheer audacity of this woman!

So, I explained the situation and he tries not to smirk at my naivety in this situation, and then directs me to the security room, where I can identify said women from the surveillance tapes. They'll make sure she doesn't bother me again and will try to apprehend her if she returns.

No problem, such is life ... now I just have to explain it to my wife ...

_____________________________

Updates (Sunday 14/08/05)
My wife, the caring understanding woman she is, just laughed at me, but was primarily annoyed that I "lost" $40 (the room service bill)
The hotel have checked their records, and have refunded me the amount for the said room service bill, they apologised for the inconvenience, the woman was apparently known to them for seconding her way into guests rooms before, and that they felt that they share some of the blame as they should have denied her access before my unfortunate meeting with her on my floor.
_____________________________
Well, that was my night ... not much left to say after all that!

Religious Cultural persecution in the name of terror

2005-08-07T10:11:00.000+10:00
Ipso scientia protestas est et timendi causa est nescire.
(Knowledge itself is power and Ignorance is the cause of fear. )

How true this statement is today in the post 911 era.

In the western world, we view ourselves as liberated, free, educated, and above all, civilised.

We celebrate the the fact that we have a state free of religion and the power of free speech. We congratulate ourselves on being the saviours of the less fortunate and protectors of the weak and prosecuted.

How true is this self-praising perception of ourselves and our society?

Are we truly armed with the understanding and the knowledge to evaluate our perceptions and actions in an objective fashion?

Or are we trapped by the propaganda perpetrated by the powers of our government?

Are we being educated by the influx of information from the media or is the ignorance simply spread further by the sensationalist ratings-grabbing nature of the business?

The current "war on terror" era shows the west in a new light, one that we do not wish to find ourselves in. We are a society that is run by confusion, ignorance and, above all, fear.

As a species, we like to simplify our world. In the west, where we pride our technological civilisation and the quantity and speed of information we deal with, we like to simplify concepts into basic units so as to deal with them with greater ease.

In the christian dominated west, we have defined a highly meaningless and binary definition for Muslims. They are either "moderate" or "fundamentalist".

In a single swoop, we have removed all the history, culture, identities, struggles and complexities of an entire sub-set of the world's population and placed them into one of two single dimensional boxes.

But what do these words mean? They are literary symbols portrayed upon what in reality is a diversely expressed, international religious community, but have now become a narrow political identity.

Symbols by themselves have no inherent meaning, and are by their very nature, a canvas for a subjective projection of cultural or personal translation.

In the 19th Century American definition of the fundamentalist (originally denoted to the Christian movements of the mid west), the word is meant to describe a movement to return to what is considered the defining or founding principles of the religion.

It especially came to refer to any religious enclave that intentionally resists identification with the larger religious group in which it originally arose, on the basis that fundamental principles upon which the larger religious group is supposedly founded have become corrupt or displaced by alternative principles hostile to its identity. This is evident in the many offshoots of Christianity, especially within the evangelical and baptist movements.

Yet, in the context utilised upon the Islamic faith, it has become synonymous with words that surround it like radical, militant, extremist and jihadist.

It has come to stand for evil. It is has come to stand for enemies of the western free world.

So, now, upon contemplation of any Muslim, they are immediately reduced into a single dimensional fiction of either a tolerable or intolerable Muslim. They are either with us or against us. We cannot accept, nor comprehend, that a Muslim may be complex with mixed thoughts, beliefs and ideas ... that is to say, we cannot comprehend that they, like us, are human.

The media, against the original dictation of their craft, no longer report items with objectivity, representing both sides of the story. With all the talk of free speech and independent minds of the freedom of the west, they no longer perceive that they are victims of their own fear and ignorance, and by association, have become puppets in the propaganda machine of the war on terror.

While we report and study our own society and traditions with pedantic precision, we do not afford this same attention to detail to any outside our own, and especially not to the Muslim communities ... even those who are our neighbours.

Thus, we find that the entire sub-set of civilisation, the Muslim world, reduced to the personification of a handful of cliches, framing any discourse on Islam with terms of terrorism, misogyny and totalitarianism. We do not reflect upon the spiritual, material or human aspirations or struggles of these people, for to do so may show them as human as you or I.

This is reflected by the fact that the Muslims only come into our attention when an article is deemed to be newsworthy, that is to say, when a bomb is detonated in a location that has an economic, political or cultural interest to ourselves (and not anywhere else). Else, the articles are written to show-off the evil nature of these people in "human interest" stories, highlighting the gross violation of human rights or the tale of harrowing misogyny.

In this light, we are invited to consider that such oppressive, criminal and antisocial behaviour and practices are an inherent function of Muslim existence. Thus, when any Muslim does something evil, it is because that is what Muslims are.

Consider the practice of Female Genital Mutilation. This has become a story inextricably linked to the Islamic faith. Yet, it is a practice that only a tiny minority of Muslims practice.

Female circumcision is today mainly practiced in Sub-Saharan African countries. It is common in a band that stretches from Senegal in West Africa to Somalia on the East coast, as well as from Egypt in the north to Tanzania in the south. It is also practiced by some groups in the Arabian peninsula, especially among a minority (20%) in Yemen.

Would it surprise you to know, now, that the majority of these countries are actually Christian? The practice is cultural, not religious, yet we demand that every woman who stands to talk about Islam must denounce the practice. Why do we not demand the same from every Christian women?

Similarly, the term suicide bomber has become synonymous with Islamic Fundamentalism.

Let us ignore the fact that the most prolific suicide bombers were the Tamil Tigers and the Kurdistan Workers Party of Europe. Let us ignore the fact of that Palestinian Christian Priests have praised it.

Honour killings are also another of these phenomena. We do not perceive these as an aspect of the low socioeconomic class, where feudalism and poor education are strife, but rather vilify it as a religious endeavour.

Hindu and Sikh families of India practice this atrocious act far more commonly than any other, but so too do Christian families of the middle east, and even Italian and Greek migrant communities did so.

Why do we not vilify those communities?

Why do we not condemn all of those acts?

In a world where we are raised to see everything in the light of black and white, where the complexities of the world around us is too complex for us to handle, it is easier to place a unanimous box around an entire section than to make an effort to understand the amalgamation of history, culture and religion that has defined a people.

It seems to me that the Bush led administration is propelled by the Christian Right, a group just as Fundamentalist as the term projected onto their Muslim counterparts. A view which is supported by the fact that Bush himself said after the 911 attacks "This crusade, this war on terrorism is going to take a while."

This is what it feels like, that the entire war on terror is actually the tenth crusade. There seems to be a terrifying alliance of Judaeo-Christian fanatics, conjoined in their dreams of the recovery of the Holy Lands of the West Bank, Judaea and Samaria supporting the administration and perpetrating this continued effort.

Before I hear arguments of Christian goodness, let us not forget that the influence of these people has affected our society as well, but instead of collapsing the right-wing-fundamentalist Christians into a single mental construct like we have with Islam, we conclude instead that these are extremist groups, outside of our norm, because the reality is that we are too familiar with our own culture to essentialise it in the same way.

Consider the Pro-Life movement, which advocates stronger regulation or prohibition of abortion, in the belief that abortion constitutes murder - yet the more extreme of these groups have killed the doctors that have performed abortions. Is this not the same extremist fundamentalism we shroud with those of the Muslim faith?
Opposition to gay rights by groups such as the Focus on the Family, Family First and Traditional Values Coalition because they believe that homosexual behavior is a violation of Christian doctrine. They demand that this behaviour should be criminalized and that the basic rights that the rest of us enjoy should be removed. Police reports also show, that especially in the religious mid-west US, numerous "gay bashings" have been attributed to this fanatical viewpoint. TV Evangelists Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell even attributed the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks to God's wrath against "abortionists, pagans, feminists, gays and lesbians".
The reality is that we in the west are just as fundamentalist, just as extremist, just as violent, and above all, just as evil.
It is easier to not perceive our world as a human creation. One that is controlled by a complex human behavioral matrix in which complex cultural, sociological and psychological factors, dictate our actions and those of our neighbours.
Perhaps one day we will realise, that just like us, these people are only too human, and that by making an effort to remove the veil of ignorance, by prying open the eyes of objectivity, that we can perceive the world in a new light, and thus find solutions to live in harmony.

just babbling ...

2005-08-03T16:12:00.000+10:00
Sorry I haven't made any posts in the last two days, I've been off in la-la-land. What with it being my birthday yesterday and this also being my last week with the employer that has been a world of entertainment.

It used to be that when someone gave their notice, they'd finish up their tasks and be shown the door as soon as possible. Not due to any disrespect, but basic human characteristics means that any motivation to be productive when you've completed all your tasks and are about to leave opens the possibility of said soon-to-be-ex-employee wandering the halls looking to converse with people.

So, that's what I'm doing now ... all my tasks are completed (even the extra bullshite ones that were dumped on me to "keep me busy") and they just want me to sit at my desk until the week is over. Such a waste of time ... my time specifically.

So, so, so bored!

I didn't do much to celebrate last night, sat at home with my partner, ate some BBQ Chook, drank a bottle of Brown Brothers Dolcetta and promptly fell asleep on the couch.

Anyhow, I've got a big night planned on Friday as it's my resignation (freedom?) party with a phenomenal night set up in the VIP room of Ffour (very cool blade-runner set style bar in the Melbourne CBD) and followed by some dinner with friends at Tony Starr's Kitten Club (another very hip establishment in the Melbourne CBD) and plenty of Aspirins set aside for Saturday morning.

I've gone off and purchased myself a nice suit from the coolest clothing store in Melbourne - Anton's - which is a 1920's speakeasy meets Jazz meets the naughties black suit with green pinstripes and a Betty Page shirt. Looks awesome and just screams NuRetro style.

I'm just babbling now ... so I'm off home.

You know you're old when ...

2005-07-31T19:31:00.000+10:00
Sitting at a cafe today, I was sippin' on a Corona (with Lime!) and contemplating my navel when I overheard a conversation occurring at the next table.

I truly wont bore you with the verbal diarrhea that spouted like some form of craptacular fountain centerpiece, but you can just imagine the usual banter that is formulated by a barely adolescent, testosterone loaded pack of males. There was the usual big noting, tales of macho toughness and, of course, the obligatory feats of sexual conquest. All of which had a distinct "Dear Playboy, I always thought your letters were made up until ..." feel to them.

Which got me to thinking, there's only a tad over a decade between those guys and myself, but it might as well be an eternity.

Although I barely feel my age either emotionally or physically, mentally, it's a whole other story.

I've come to realise that my view of the world, my perceptions of people, and my own reflections of thoughts and ideas has dramatically altered from the heady days of my youth.

All of this is a natural progression of growing up. It is not to say I think (or act!) like an old fuddy-duddy, but I have come to realise that there are certain signs that highlight you've reached an age where you can foreseeably begin to say, "shit! I'm getting old!"

The first time I realised this was about a year ago.

I was driving down the central lane of the freeway, heading into the city for some dinner and drinks with friends when I was accosted by an old '68 Fairlane in front of me crawling along at 60Km/h.

Traffic was heavier than normal on this day, and as spaces in the adjoining lanes did not avail themselves, my frustration grew. I flashed my lights, honked my horn, yelled obscenities in three different languages and even cursed the drivers entire lineage - all to nil effect.

The P-plate in the corner of the rear windscreen gave me the clue that I wasn't dealing with the usual octarian Sunday driver, which only ballooned my frustration further.

Finally a break in the traffic allowed me to skirt around the offending vehicle. As I passed the clunker, I see the young male driver with a dreamy look on his face, and (presumably) his girlfriend's head pops up for air from between his lap.

I'm ashamed to say, my first thought was "does he realise how dangerous that is while driving?"

With that thought, I realised my mind had crossed that milestone. I had become "old".

Since that fateful day, I have become more attuned to other signs of this phenomena. Some examples to highlight my point:
It is becoming increasingly difficult to discern from a glance the difference between youths of fifteen and eighteen.
I find myself thinking how "we wouldn't have gotten away with that" way too many times
I'm constantly shocked to find a fifteen year old driving alongside me. I then realise they are sporting a P-Plate, and therefore must be at least eighteen
Worse - they have no P-plate and therefore must be at least twenty-one
I'm constantly depressed when I realise that "yummy mummy" (or MILF for the rest of you) that just sauntered past was the same age as me.
Worse - she was younger.
I find I'd rather a more mature woman than a "young and firm" specimen, because you can't buy experience.
I'd prefer a slow sip of Cognac with a fine Cigar than a pack of smokes and a few rounds of cheap Bourbon.
You start to catch up with friends only at marriages and funerals.
Oh, trust me, there are other signs, but at this stage my beer was being diluted by my tears for a carefree youth gone by. It's true what George Bernard Shaw says, youth is wasted on the young.
At this point I realised that while growing old seems to be compulsory, growing up is not, so, I ordered a few rounds of cheap bourbon and forgot about my age for another day.

All your base are belong to us

2005-07-30T23:28:00.000+10:00

In A.D. 2101 War was beginning.
Captain: What happen ?
Mechanic: Somebody set up us the bomb.
Operator: We get signal.
Captain: What !
Operator: Main screen turn on.
Captain: It's You !!
Cats: How are you gentlemen !!
Cats: All your base are belong to us.
Cats: You are on the way to destruction.

Enter the world of a tiny inside joke that exploded into a popular internet phenomenon.

The "All your base" craze is explored on this sight in some detail, from the game it originated from, the video that started it, the parodies, the photos and sites where AYB has been snuck in. It's all here.

TTFN

There goes the Moral Stance.mp3

2005-07-29T21:44:00.000+10:00
Well, this last week has been extremely interesting for those watching the music industry - two points in particular that came up were apparently unrelated (unless you think like me).

The first article is that SonyBMG was caught with their pants around their ankles as they faced the music (sorry, but the bad pun had to be made!) for bribing radio station employees with vacations, electronics and other expensive gifts, provided giveaways for radio station contests and even paid operational expenses for radio stations to give its songs more airtime.

The Payola case came to light thanks to New York Attorney General Eliot Spitzer, who launched the investigation. Sony settled the case for $US 10 Million.

The second was the release of a study by UK firm The Leading Question that confirms what I've known all along - people who regularly share or download music illegally, typically spend over 4 times more on legal music downloads than other music fans.

Yeop, that's right ... over 400% more! So, they may download, but they buy more.

I know that I would not have discovered nor purchased over half of my extensive (and overpriced) CD collection if it wasn't for the mp3 phenomenon.

The study surveyed more than 600 music fans who each own a PC or Mac as well as a mobile phone. Those pirates who regularly download or share unlicensed music and spend less as a result on Cd's also spend an average of £5.52 ($A 13.16) per month on legal digital music. The average music fan spends just £1.27 ($A 3.03) on digital tracks.

Paul Brindley, director of The Leading Question states:

The 2005 Speakerbox research clearly shows that music fans who break piracy laws are highly valuable customers. It also points out that they are eager to adopt legitimate music services in the future. So far, the music industry has tried to get these pirates on-side by taking them to court, but there need to be plenty of carrots alongside the sticks. Legal actions are making something of an impact but unlicensed file sharing will never be eradicated. The smart response is to capitalise on the power of the p2p networks themselves to entice consumers into more attractive legal
alternatives.
I, for one, agree and find it highly ironic that the moral clause utilised by these firms is so hypocritical in light of the payola scandal. Let's be honest, how many were truly shocked? We all know it's happening, it's just that someone finally got caught.

So, let's get a grip shall we?

Here's a new idea! Why don't you come out and talk to the fans? Ask them what they want? Work with them to work out a happy medium?

Oh, I know, the execs are already going to go and find some research that shows that a percentile of the p2p market don't buy any music and just steal it ... well, guess what guys, they wouldn't anyway ... they are the same ones who sat there and taped it off the radio, copied their mates collection, etc. That's never going to go away ... get a grip, and focus on the majority of people who are willing to give up their hard earned cash to pay 900% more for a single than the artist themselves are actually getting.

Payola Story related Links
The Evidence
Sign On San Diego Article
The Billboard Radio Monitor Article
The Digital Music Weblog entry
Hip Hop Politics blog entry
TripleJ's (Australia's National Youth Radio) Current Affair Programme, Hack, has been covering this story all week as well, with some interesting feedback from callers:
Listen to the Payola Story Part 1 : Sony BMG Fined in the US (mp3, 8.08 mb)
Listen to the Payola Story Part 2 : Payola in Community Radio Stations (mp3, 3.99 mb)
Listen to the Payola Story Part 3 : Does JJJ Participate in Payola? (mp3, 2.29 mb)
MP3 Story related Links
The Leading Question
The Leading Question Press Release - Music pirates spend four-and-a-half times more on legitimate music downloads than average fans
The Leading Question Press Release - Radio is still the number one source for finding out about new Music
The BBC NEWS Article - Downloading 'myths' challenged
The Guardian News Article - Online file sharers 'buy more music'
The Register Article - File sharers 'spend more on music downloads
The Ars Technica Article - P2P users among music industry's best customers

Making war on the Public

2005-07-28T17:06:00.000+10:00
It is becoming increasingly obvious as every day passes that the entire point of the "war on terrorism" has nothing to do with protecting the public from terrorism, but a great deal to reinforce the idea of illimitable federal power.

I've touched on this before in a previous post.

The latest news is doing nothing to dissuade this idea either.

A perfect example of what we can expect here in Australia is from the case of a 67 year old woman who faces a year in prison and $100,000 in fines for allegedly assaulting a federal airport security screener after the officer grabbed the woman's breast as part of their standard procedures (see the full story "Making War on the American Public"). From my recent interstate trips, I can tell you, the Airport security staff are just itching to get this form of power ...

We have heard about installing a grid of CCTV cameras across the country, introducing a national identity card, suggestions of a shoot to kill policy, increased spying on citizens, increased ASIO powers and (in)directly attacking the Muslim community.

I for one would like to know when the the war on terrorism boiled down to the war on Islamic ideology and the removal of citizens rights in favor of a police state?

The media must also take responsibility for most of the hysteria that is currently being generated. When did the art of journalism stop being about the objective view of the news as opposed to sensationalised, one-sided, rating grabs? When did portraying an extremist Muslim sheik's comments become the view of the entire Muslim community?

If that's the angle, then why aren't the views of right-wing-christian fanatics the voice of the entire christian community?

Ah, it's all just hot air ... Nostradamus was right ... anyone have a hitchhikers device? Time for me to leave this insane rock ...

TTFN

Wasting time ...

2005-07-27T13:36:00.000+10:00
Bored? Looking to kill an afternoon?

Well, look no further! I have your productivity destroyers right here!

Let's start by asking, have you ever wondered what you would look like as a South Park character?

Well, with the wondrous wonders of internet web browsing and flash technology, you can see yourself (and your loved ones) in the South Park Setting!

Oh, I know it's completely useless, but it is lots of fun! (That's me on the left and my partner on the right). Actually, if you're a South Park fan, there's quite a few games on the South Park Studios site. But beware ... it will waste away an arvo ...

South Park not your thing? More of an IM/IRC type yourself?

Well, check out the bash.org Quotes Database Home! With such classic online quotes such as:

#5020
<iban>when i was your age all i had was a mac, and photoshop
<iban>if i wanted an online gf i had to draw her
#5273
<erno> hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.
#180081
<kylev> BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
<kylev> hahahahaha
<kylev> some girl just came onto our floor
<kylev> and was yelling "sexual favors for anyone who does my sociology paper"
<kylev> i just asked her what the paper was about
<kylev> and she said the accomplishments and growth of feminism
<`Neo> bahahahaha
If you can't waste an afternoon with these two activities, then there's no helping you ...
TTFN

VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED!

2005-07-26T22:37:00.000+10:00
I've been a little on the heavy side lately, and I realise that we sometimes need some form of light entertainment.

Have you ever tried to imagine what your favorite movies would be like if they had to be shown in 30 seconds? How about if they also had to be re-enacted by bunnies alone?

Well Wonder no more!

Enter the world of Angry Alien Productions and discover the joys of your all time favorite movies in a whole new light.

While on the topics of Bunnies, check out the Scared Bunny blog. I especially found the treatise on whether you were on a date with a guy that may (or may not) be gay highly amusing, but that's just me ...

TTFN

Turning ordinary people into suicide bombers

2005-07-25T15:18:00.000+10:00
I read an interesting article today, "The Ordinary Bombers" by Michael Bond (p18, issue 2509, New Scientist Magazine, 23 July 2005).

It talks about the psychology of suicide bombers. How, study after study has shown that suicide terrorists are usually more affluent than average for their community, usually better educated, rarely suicidal (in the pathological sense) and rarely have symptoms of mental illness, drug or alcohol abuse.

Damn, sounds like most of us - doesn't it?

I remember years ago I studied up a fair bit about cult and cult-like mentality and the use of methodologies such as Large Group Awareness Training (LGAT) [Someone remind me to rant about this in a future post]. It seems that militant groups utilise a similar but opposite methodology (SGAT?) similar to those used to train kamikaze pilots during WWII.

According to the author:
The sense of duty to a small group of peers that the process creates can, they say, turn just about anyone into a potential suicide bomber: the crucial factor is not the psychology of the individual, but that of the group.
Apparently, virtually every suicide attack in modern times has been conceived and managed by militant groups utilising these same methods:
First, find people, usually young and male, who are sympathetic to the group’s cause and organise them into small units. Second, exploit their motivation to fight for the cause using religious or political indoctrination, emphasising the heroic nature of their mission and the nobility of self-sacrifice. Third, have all members of the unit make a pact declaring their commitment to what they are about to do. Beyond this point, it becomes psychologically very hard for them to back out.
The article finishes with a hard to swallow but all too honest paragraph:
The immediate reaction to suicide bombers is to label them as animals, or inherently evil. But this will not do. Blowing themselves up in a crowd is often the first evil thing these people have done. And they are not animals. The most difficult thing of all is to recognise that suicide bombers are, alas, all too human.
Like I said, hard to swallow. In today's day and age, it's often hard for us to recognize that these people are human, and may very well have been ... influenced ... to create acts of such despicability.
I think that we (in the global sense) have entered a vicious circle where one side is constantly vilifying the other, retaliating, and then the other repeats the same pattern ...
It's not a pretty thought, and one that will very quickly bring us towards the vision of Nostradamus unless we can somehow begin to see both sides of the picture and realise that we are fighting for interpretations more than causes.
Well, that's all for me ...
TTFN

of pram Nazis and vicious parents

2005-07-24T21:02:00.000+10:00

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
This entry will disturb most parents - please do not read further if you have or are planning to have children.
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!

I've spoken of this before. Parents expect society to keep a look out for their offspring.

It's true everywhere you go!

Today, I'm down at the local Border's Store ... and as is my want on a quiet Sunday afternoon, I like to grab a few mags and books that interest me, climb up to the third floor, sit on the couch and drink a hot chai as I peruse their contents.

Well, wouldn't you know it? It seems the call went out for every breeding female within a 20-mile radius to load up their kids into the prams, and converge onto the tiny bookshop cafe.

Every walkway, every space between chairs, tables, couches, along the checkout and across the bookstore was strewn with prams like some form of new-age battlefield tanks converging onto the last known whereabouts of Osama bin laden.

The attitude that accompanies the mothers of our future is phenomenal as well!

They'll slam their pram into your ankles and shins and then look at you with disdain as they request your absence from their path with a tone that suggests that you should have seen them coming, and made the effort to move out of their way since they do have the responsibility to carry the young and you're obviously naught but a selfish man for not carrying a similar tiny-screaming-puking-shit-machine in a hammock on your back!

Any-hows, I managed to avoid severe bruising of shins or breakages of ankles as I maneuvered my way to what seemed like a set of vacant ottomans to one corner. Well, there were a set of books in one corner (on the floor), no-one around them, no-one on them, nothing that laid claim to them ... so? Vacant.

I begin to clear the books off the floor, and re-arrange the ottomans to allow my partner and I to sit and try to enjoy our Sunday afternoon, regardless of the aforementioned screaming-puking-shitting-complaining-whining-"I want! I want! I want!"-foot stamping-machines we were surrounded by.

It's at this time, one of those lovely breeding creatures comes running up to us and declaring that we've stolen her seats, and how dare we throw her kids out or some nonsensical bullshit.

I explain, there were no markers, no-one was here, etc ... she says that her kids went running off and she was ordering coffee and we shouldn't have taken the seats.

What-the-almighty-fuck?

When did I become the guardian of your spoilt little brats?

Why the fuck should my life be messed about because you can't learn to look after the spoilt fruit of your rotten loins?

Why should I have to step gingerly around hormone volatile women who because they decided to spread their legs and be inseminated by the seed that has sprouted into a demonic child that has now caused them to be completely stressed out and is the cause for the ruination of their lives?

You want to know why I don't care? Why it's not my problem? Why you should drop the attitude? Let me tell you, it's because:
I don't remember signing a petition asking you to give birth
I didn't force you to not use contraceptives
I didn't force you to have a child when you weren't ready
I didn't impregnate you
I didn't stop you from having an abortion
I didn't force you to give up your career
I didn't ask you to have more kids
I didn't force your partner to work more hours to support the extra mouths
I didn't kick your no good partner out of the house
THEY ARE NOT MY KIDS NOR MY RESPONSIBILITY!
There. Simple.
You had the kids. You learn to deal with them. You take responsibility for them.
I decided not to have kids. That was a conscious choice based on all the factors of what they entail. Including the fact that they would be my responsibility and not society's at large.
If you disagree, give me your name and number, and within 24 hours, I can have a squad of four children all under the age of 6 at your doorstep. My sister would love for you to look after them for the next 4-10 years.
Thank god for Xanax ...
TTFN

it's Saturday night - go watch a movie

2005-07-23T18:46:00.000+10:00
It's my parent's anniversary and I'm obligated to go over and enjoy the evening surrounded by my nephews, nieces, sibling and Italian parentage. Oh happiness and joy really ... so, no rant for me tonight.

Take on some of Phil's advice and go watch a movie.

TTFN

Beautiful Graffiti

2005-07-22T23:58:00.000+10:00
I almost missed out on an entry today ... too tired to rant about anything, but this is a nice sojourn - see the works of contemporary art produced with a spray can on a public space.

TTFN

Eau de Ostalgie

2005-07-21T20:23:00.000+10:00
Since the fall of the Berlin Wall, there have been a number of Ostalgie products released to perhaps encourage a far too sentimental image of the defunct German Democratic Republic (East Germany) - another one of those regimes which shot those who tried to escape. Regardless, the books, films, music, food and drink inspired by the GDR nostalgia continue and the thirst for Ostalgie persists.

Those desperate for a whiff of them ol' days can now get Communism in a can!

Yes, for only €3.98 you too can own ... a tin of exhaust fumes from the socialistic pride of the ubiquitous two-stroke engined East German car known as the Trabant.

Being sold as a brand new (non cosmetic) Trabant perfume, "Trabi Duft", is the latest in a seemingly unending line of Ostalgie products coming out. The producers of eau de Trabant, say it remains the closest people will get to recapturing the true smell of East Germany!

But, remember, don't get too close to the past ... or you could stay there ...

It's not that opening a can of Trabi Duft will make you ill as each can is stuffed with cotton wool which simultaneously captures the distinctive aroma and filters out any toxic particles ... but still, I wouldn't stick my nose in too deep, nor open the can in the living-room.

The smell can linger for 14 days and you might have real trouble with your partner if you do that ...

So why wait? Get your can today!

TTFN

Men are pigs

2005-07-20T23:58:00.000+10:00
Maybe I'm a lesbian in a man's body? It would make sense ... I like comfortable shoes (yes, I own a pair of hush-puppies), I can be rather aggressive about my points of view, I like women, I do the growl with absolute perfection ... and I think all men are pigs!

Even as a male ... I am disgusted by the state of other men. One of the most disgusting things you'll ever have to accomplish in your life is to enter a men's public toilet and try to do your business! I mean, the smell alone is enough to clog your pipes!

Even if you can brave that distinctive aroma, then you need to be able to traverse the floor Indiana Jones style to avoid stepping in the copious pools of urine. This is where it becomes interesting ...

If you need to check the pipes, then you head to and reach the urinals at which point, especially during peak hours, you need to be as fast as the Flash to simultaneously drain your lizard and avoid getting sprayed or directly urinated on by the friendly chaps on either side of you who feel that a urinal is a communal chat board!

Then, if you need to give birth to a middle-manager, life reaches a whole new level in the game. So, you've swung Indiana style across the floor, and reached an available cubicle ... it's now time for the mystery of the cubicle! Think Monty's doors held surprises? Na-ah! Let's see what we have today?

Can you guess how disgusted you can be?

Will the bowl be filled with the last occupants proud work, unflushed and on display?

Perhaps they also felt the cubicle was dirty and thus decided to wash it down ... with their urine?

Maybe they decided the walls need a makeover and decorated it with all sorts of ... artifacts?

Or maybe the previous occupant was hit with a sudden and uncontrollable epileptic fit, which is why their waste products are on the seat, on the floor, in fact everywhere, but the bowl!

Seriously, ladies, this is something you probably will never go through ... unless you enter the domain of the expulsion challenged that is a male public toilet!

Now you know why Xanax is my friend ...

TTFN

Two Ideas

2005-07-19T22:23:00.000+10:00
Tonight, I can't write anything ... instead, I'm going to let you in on a secret ... Two Ideas, the blog.

It's probably the funniest blog I've read ... and the ideas are an addictive roller-coaster ride of extreme intelligence and downright silliness.

Although, some might be worth taking into production ... like Tinfoil-lined Wallets, or extreme Sushi ... mmmm ... extreme sushi!

TTFN

When the spam hits the fan!

2005-07-18T22:44:00.000+10:00
I was bored and debating what to talk about tonight. So, when I couldn't decide, I chose to ask a couple of friends, one who pointed me to the BBC news article that triggered this diatribe.

------------
REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

I am the financial controller of Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC). I got your Contact address from an associate working with the Nigerian Export Promotion Council. I and my colleagues are officials in charge of offshore remittance in this Corporation (NNPC).

We are seeking your assistance to transfer of Forty Two Million (US$42,000,000.00) to your account for further private investment.
------------

Everyone has seen at least one of these types of e-mails in their pop box.

This insidiously ridiculous type of spam is commonly known as four-one-nines after the Nigerian criminal code that prohibits such practices. Their basic premise is to attract greedy or gullible investors who are invited to hand over money or bank account details on the promise of large future payments, which (funnily enough) never arrive.

Well, for at least one set of scammers, the tables were turned as the scam fell on them. BBC News World Edition recent news article on this situation reported that :
A court in Nigeria has sentenced a woman to two and a half years in prison for her part in the country's biggest ever international fraud case.

The arrests and persecution are being hailed a victory by the Economic & Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) of Nigeria. This organisation has been trying to cleanup the world-wide reputation of it's nation, as well as the ... well, let me leave it in their own words from the website:
The EFCC will curb the menace of corruption that constitutes the cog in the wheel of progress; protect national and foreign investments in the country; imbue the spirit of hard work in the citizenry and discourage ill gotten wealth; identify illegally acquired wealth and confiscate it; build an upright workforce in both public and private sectors of the economy and; contribute to the global war against financial crimes.
Of course, there are other ways to deal with these perpetrators. You can always follow the safe, sensible and friendly advice of The 419 Coalition, or then there's the fun way ... Scambaiting.

If you've never heard of it before, scam baiters pretend to be willing victims who turn the tables on the 419 spammers and slowly draw their newly found prey into an oft lengthy discourse, for a number of purposes, from the mere desire to waste the scammers' time, seeking to embarrass them, hoping to cause them to reveal information which can be passed on to authorities, or simply (and quite commonly) to amuse the baiter.

On this line, one common goal of scam baiting has become the photographic trophy. The scammers are goaded or cajoled by the victims into having a picture taken of themselves while holding specific signs, holding certain poses and, if at all possible, with some form of ridiculous prop.

Some scambaiters have also managed to send the scammers to a Western Union office to collect the supposedly sent money, get them to book hotels for them or even succeeded in receiving cash from the fraudsters themselves.

Some of the more amusing techniques utilised include giving the scammers a long, silly questionnaire to fill out, filling up the scammers inboxes with large attachments, making scammers call the baiters back on the telephone (usually utilising anonymous VOIP numbers) to waste their time and money and, ofcourse, hacking into the scammers' email accounts in order to find their victims' addresses, in order to send them warning letters.

A recent technique that was developed is called an "ASEM bait" (Accidentally Sent E-Mail). The aim is to fool the scammer into believing that the scambaiter has accidentally sent an e-mail to them when the "victim" is actually intending to send the e-mail to another scammer.

In my humble opinion, one of the best sites for this phenomena is the 419 Eater. Check it out for an afternoon waster ...

TTFN

When customer Service was more than a catchphrase

2005-07-17T15:00:00.000+10:00
Today, I took a trip down to the local Coles Supermarket, did the usual to-ing and fro-ing among the aisles, and lined up along the as-always understaffed checkouts in the usual flock-of-sheep style lines.

At first impression, the girl behind the "express" checkout (identified by a name-tag of "Jade") was like every other minimum wage teenager across the country trying to scrape up some pocket money while balancing study and a youthful social life.

However, the most amazing thing happened. She provided a level of customer service that I haven't experienced since the days of Coles New World nearly two decades ago! It was such a shock, that it actually left me speechless ... if only for the briefest of times.

She was polite, provided pleasantly light conversation, scanned the items quickly and skillfully ... and ... actually packed the goods in the correct way ... fragiles (bread, eggs) together, cans in a separate bag, fruits and vegetables in another, cold goods together ...

Wow!

Why is this amazing? I mean, has the basic level of service dropped so far that we take it as granted that when someone does a simple job like the aforementioned young woman, that we consider this an exemplary act that must be praised?

Twenty years ago as a teenager entering the workforce of Coles New World (as it was still known back then) I was subjected to nearly a full fortnight of training prior to being allowed to grace the services of the public on the "front end".

This training consisted of actually having to walk around the store and remember where items where located. Spending a few days in the produce department to be able to identify differing fruits and vegetables. Spending another day in the Deli to understand the concepts of hygiene and food handling. Learning to separate a shop and pack in groups of "like products".

This was standard training above and beyond the concept of dealing with a register, committing to memory a range of department and product codes (this was just prior to the introduction of scanners!) and the standard dealing with cheques, vouchers and cards.

It was exactly the same when I later defected to join Safeway ... in fact, they were probably more intense about it ... although that could be due to the management programme I was part of.

These days, it's not unusual to see new starters shoved directly onto the front line with nary a days training and a plaintive plea for understanding from the customers via the cardboard learners plate proffered at the entrance to the checkout.

I am forever re-arranging the products in the "packed" bags - removing the soap flakes box from the frozen goods, taking the soft-loaf bread out from under a bag of oranges, placing the eggs above the cans ...

... and perhaps it is the failing education system that means that they cannot work out basic English phrases such as "Good afternoon, having a pleasant day?" as opposed to "So, you busy doin' much today?" ... and don't get me started on the concepts of basic arithmetic.

So, I've gone on about the supermarket, but the same concepts are occurring around us in every business and service that we utilise ... training is almost obliterated from the ranks of the minimum wagers ... how can we expect a certain level of service if the management of these establishments are more worried about the savings of a few days wages as opposed to the satisfaction of the customers?

I dare say that the working conditions these people would be under would suggest that the incentive for them to provide common courtesy is a hard ask when they are unhappy and placed in a difficult position between unhappy customers and uncaring corporations.

It's a state of decay that will only worsen. The new Industrial Relations laws may actually be the proverbial straw on the camels back.

How?

Well, those corporations that don't realise the strategic value of common concepts such as customer service and satisfaction, will utilise the new laws to further streamline operational costs, reducing the lowest common denominator of their staff skill, dropping service levels even further ... and before they've realised it, have driven off their customer base.

The smart organisations, however, will leverage the IR laws and maintain wages, increasing levels as an internal award system for each level of training attained, bonuses provided for positive customer feedback received, etc ... these will energise their staff, motivate them to provide the best service and offerings and drive customer satisfaction and attraction.

Remember, customers are driven by many things, but service is always expected ... even from the lowliest of budget conscious shoppers.

That's all from me today ...

TTFN

Terrorism "will not change our way of life" and the loss of freedom

2005-07-16T23:32:00.000+10:00
* WARNING * WARNING * WARNING * WARNING *
This is a politically charged and scathing diatribe on the state of terrorism and the western world's response to it. Please do not read this if you are severely patriotic, absurdly racist, frantically extremist or in any way biased. It may cause offense. Also, it will be quite long winded and boring.
* WARNING * WARNING * WARNING * WARNING *

Since the September 11, 2001 attacks, the western world has truly tasted fear and the horror of terrorism.

Although the acts of terrorism have been a daily part of the lives of many middle-eastern, eastern European, sub-continent and south-east Asian populations ... this was the first time that the west was hit - or so the media reports went. So the Trio of the willing (President Bush, Prime Minister Blair and Prime Minister Howard) would like us to believe.

Technically, that's not true either... The IRA attacks perpetrated on England for many years were considered acts of terrorism - as were the acts of the Kurdistan Workers' Party across Europe (primarily Germany).

The people of the US in particular were caught by surprise by the attacks. Apparently, the US Government were also surprised. They didn't realise there was such a huge anti-US sentiment. Didn't they? Let's look at the five years prior to the Twin-Tower attacks:

In 1996, there were 296 acts of international terrorism with 314 persons killed and 2,912 wounded. 23 US citizens died and 510 were wounded. Approximately 25% (73) were anti-US attacks.
.
During 1997 there were 304 acts of international terrorism. 221 persons died and 693 were wounded. Seven US citizens died and 21 were wounded. Approximately 33% of the attacks (101) were against US targets.
.
There were 273 international terrorist attacks during 1998. The total number of persons killed or wounded in terrorist attacks, was the highest on record: 741 persons died, and 5,952 persons suffered injuries. Twelve US citizens died, eleven other US citizens were wounded. About 41% of the attacks (111) were directed against US targets.
.
In 1999, 392 international terrorist attacks occurred. 233 persons were killed and 706 were wounded. Terrorists targeted U.S. interests in 169 (44%) of attacks.
.
There were 426 international terrorist attacks in 2000. 409 persons were killed and 791 were wounded. 21 US citizens were killed. Terrorists targeted U.S. interests in 200 (47%) of attacks.
.
Does anyone else except me see an emerging pattern here? An ever increasing rate of attacks against "US interests" ... 2001 also saw 346 international terrorist attacks of which (twin-towers not included) nearly 52% were targeted U.S. interests.
It's also interesting to note that since 1968 (when the United States Government began keeping such statistics) more than 7,000 terrorist bombings have occurred worldwide ... and not once, with each of the US citizens being killed, nor with the huge death toll that was being mounted with each statistical report at the end of each year, did the US government ever decree to wage a "war on terror".
Was it so unimaginable to these people that terrorism would strike their homeland? Considering that all of the statistics laid out above come from the Patterns of Global Terrorism reports from the Office of the Coordinator for Counterterrorism, US Department of State ... I think not.
However, all that said, it's not the main thrust of my rant today ... My issue is with the resultant loss of freedom, the actual change to our lives that have been perpetrated by this trio of the willing in the name of the War on Terror.
We've all felt it - the increased stupidity at Airports (no, not just the confiscation of the keyring nail clippers - but severe fines for bad "terrorist related" humour), the introduction of questioning laws which supersede civil liberty rights, the talks of introducing national identity cards, the ability to keep track of which library books you borrow as a "pro-active" surveillance ... the list goes on.
If we are truly not going to allow terrorists to affect our way of life, then when are the governments going to stop doing so?
Come on, get a grip ... all that any of these laws do, is make it a 1984 society for the common folk ... and in absolutely no way hampers those sick minds that wish to perpetrate terror. Instead, why don't the holy trinity of the willing look at what is the cause of over half of the worlds terrorist attacks to be aimed at them and try to resolve those issues?
Time for my Xanax ...
For more information on this topic, check other great links such as :
Australia's Proposed Anti-Terrorism Laws
New ASIO laws
Suicide Bombings - Who Does Them & Why
the bloody price of US foreign policy .....
The Truth Behind Terrorism
Some things you need to know before the world ends
Bitter Fruits of Bush's War on Terrorism
Liberty and Safety: What Price Freedom?
Our liberty at risk
What America Must Give Up To Win A War On Terrorism
Article on loss of liberties from anti-terrorism legislation

of neutered men's egos and prosthetic testicles

2005-07-15T22:49:00.000+10:00
See?

I'm not the only one who's mad!

The world is becoming stranger and stranger ... the damned lowest common denominator is getting lower, and there is nothing we can do about it!

I was recently made aware of a "new" product on the market - Nueticals.

What are Nueticals? Well, in the simplest of terms - prosthetic testicles for your pet.

Yes, that's right, you didn't mis-read, cosmetic testicles for your beloved ball of fur.

Why?

Well, according to the the website, the reason for purchasing a set of Testicular Implantation For Pets is that:
The 200 year-old traditional form of altering used on family pets includes the permanent removal of the pet's testicles. Many caring pet owners hesitate or even to refuse to neuter their pets because of this. Neuticles eliminates 'neuter-hesitant' concerns - as a 'Neuticled' pet looks exactly the same after surgery.
Personally, I think the market comes from the poor, misguided, "my pet is a reflection of me" type, male owners of these animals.

They can't stand the thought of their poor mate losing his tackle. Even though there are a string of research articles and stacks of evidence that prove it is not only beneficial (health and behaviour wise) and that, for the most part (if done at the right age), they won't know the difference, they'll say things like "yeah, but I just want him to have something to lick".

Pathetic really. This is best indicated by the following quote from Peter Neville, author of "Pet Sex: The Rude Facts of Life for the Family Dog, Cat and Rabbit":
Often the wife is quite relaxed about having the dog castrated [...] But the husband, fuelled by feelings of sympathy and empathy and, perhaps, the feeling that he could be next, digs his heels in to fight to keep the dog's testicles where they are: on the dog.
Not to be outdone by the simple concept of a prosthetic testicle, the company provides Nueticals that
are now available for any-sized canine, feline, equine, bull or any neutered pet
in a variety of sizes and models including
NeuticleOriginals (rigid firmness) NeuticleNatural (natural firmness) and Neuticles UltraPLUS
and all are made so that they replicate
the animals testicle in size, shape, weight and feel.
So the only question I have left now is "UltraPlus"?

So, there you have it! What more can one say? I thought so ...

TTFN

P.S. I have also seen these referred to as Neutricles on the web if you're seeking more information.

of resignations, counter-offers and conferences

2005-07-14T23:11:00.000+10:00
Of Resignations
So, this morning I walked in and handed my official letter of resignation to the illustrious leader. CB wasn't there, so I didn't have to see her, not that i would have regardless ... but anyhow, I walked in, sat down, presented my "thanks for the fish" version of my resignation letter ... and was moved in a heart-wrenching moment to tears as he proclaims (and, yes, this is verbatim):

Well, you have been here for four years which will look respectable on your CV, and it's not like we haven't gotten our money's worth out of you. So thank you and good luck.
That sentimental old fool, really knows how to tug at your heart-strings and make you feel like a used two-dollar hooker ...

Meanwhile, I spent all day fielding congratulation messages from colleagues, phone calls and e-mails from people far and wide both from within and outside of the corporation, it's truly amazing how fast that grapevine can run!

Of Counter-Offers
Last night (as per my previous post) I decided that I would stay in Melbourne and take the local offer. So, I put together an e-mail and sent out notices to the other offers and to those whose interview process cycles I had not completed as of yet.

So, as the saying goes, when it rains - it pours. As I complete the said e-mails, I get a call from a friend of mine in the nerd-herding game who tells me he has the perfect opportunity for me ... sorry mac, got a role or three I say, usual congratulatory small-talk, and we're off again ...

Then I get a call from an outside contender. They've only spoken to me over the phone until now, but upon hearing that I'll be out of the market, decided to ramp up the process - overnight to an eight am meet and greet this morning!

I say there's no need, don't want to waste your time, probably couldn't meet the ca$h any-hows ... they say how much, I give figure, they say we can still talk ...

So, this morning, we talked. We starbucked. We talked some more. They organised for me to speak to members of their architecture team, their EA and their CIO ... all of which was very nice and worthwhile and appreciated, but in the end, solely affirmed my resolve that for the long term of my career, I was right to choose the offer I had chosen last night.

It hurts to actively decline a whole lot of dollars ... not just one or two G's, but tens of G's ... it really, really, really does.

Of Conferences
As part of my self-development plan, I'm sending myself off to Sydney for the Enterprise Architecture conference. It's going to cost a lot (especially after giving up so many dollars) but will be worth it from a learning curve and networking standpoint. I'm sure I'll discuss this in a lot more detail in my other blog.

Freedom approaches!

2005-07-13T17:12:00.000+10:00
Hooray, Hooray! Today is a fine day!

Today is the day that I received, not one, not two, but THREE fully fledged, one-hundred percent, top-notch, all-expenses paid, in black and white (with a swag of supporting materials) job offers!

Now, of course, all I have to do is choose between them ... do I take the role with the HUGE cash offer, but have no work-life balance for at least 18 months and move to country NSW? Or take the role with less cash now, but a guaranteed money train future and move to Canberra? Or do I go for the middle of the road option that has a full "build up that career" option, and stay in Melbourne?

Either way, while I deliberate, I had to write the resignation letter. The first one was quite lengthy - two and half A4 pages that can best be described as Homer Simpson, driving across the bridge, pouring gasoline as he goes and tossing a match over his shoulder ...

The second was an abridged version of the above fitting in a single A4 page ... the final one (that will be presented in the morning) is a short, sweet "thanks for all the fish" style half-pager.

So ... now to decide ... I think I'm going to stay in Melbourne ...

Yeop. I'll let you know if I change my mind overnight ...

Now, I just have to survive the next four weeks!

TTFN

Hard Rubbish Collections

2005-07-12T21:09:00.000+10:00
So, I had to go into my doctor's office this morning for them to withdraw a substantial amount of blood out of my arm for tests - more on that some other time - but this little road trip brought something to my attention. The local council has called a hard rubbish collection day.

Now, the general idea of a hard rubbish day, is that once or twice a year, if you have a small amount of odd stuff lying about that by rights can't go into a standard bin and should go to the tip, but there isn't enough to warrant a trip to said tip, the council will bring round a couple of big trucks to your area, grab said offending materials, and (surprise, surprise) take them to the tip for you!

Now, I'm not going to rant on about what an appropriate amount of junk left out the front of your place on the nature strip should be ... instead, I'm going to rant on about the quality of the material left out on said strips.

As I said, my little road trip today had me pass numerous piles across numerous strips. What really surprised me, at first, was the amount of lounge suites dumped out there ... obviously, the economy must be doing well if that many are (assumedly) buying new suites and tossing out the old ... but that aside, most of the suites were still quite structurally and aesthetically (not making comments on peoples choices of fabrics, etc) sound.

The next thing item that struck me was old kids toys, bikes, and other miscellaneous knick-knacks (that I'm sure the unscrupulous flea marketeers are going to be pleased with this evening as they perform their midnight runs) that seemed to be in fine working order.

Sure. I could go on about the wastage that the western society lifestyle breeds ... but really the main question here is - why didn't they call the Salvation Army, Brotherhood of St Laurence or any of the other such organisations out there that could utilise this potential bounty for their charity or Op Shop selling ventures?

Worst case scenario, they would have said, heck, leave it out on the strip.

That's all, the Xanax is calling ...

TTFN

of 40 Km/h School Zones and Internet censorship

2005-07-11T23:37:00.000+10:00

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
This entry will disturb most parents - please do not read further if you have or are planning to have children.
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!

There is a growing trend that disturbs me - parents are relying on society to raise their children.
It's not just the odd example either, it's everywhere you go. Everything you do is somehow affected by this ever increasing trend.

Now, I know that in the long forgotten past of our species we lived in cave communities and that we, as primitive cave dwelling folk, tended to look after all the offspring as a collective. However, I'd like to point out that, with the obvious exceptions, we have moved on from there.

If you decide to have a child, then bloody well look after the fscking thing!

If you decided to give you're little brat a computer and internet access, without supervising them, utilising net nanny or some other form of content filter then tough titties if they stumble across a porn site and ask you embarrassing or difficult questions.

Would you give your kid $100.00 and let them walk around the CBD? Heck for a cool C-note they can access a lot more from the local 7-11 or newsagent than they can from anything online. Heck, should we go and close down every legitimate business out there that differs from your set of personal values and beliefs?

So it is with School Zones, why should I have my trip to work extended by up to 40 minutes because the kids may not watch what they're doing and run across the road? Why should I look out for your offspring in case they leap over the roadside barriers? Why shouldn't natural evolution, pure Darwinian theory play out in this situation?

IF YOUR CHILD IS TOO STUPID TO NOT TAKE NOTICE OF THE ROAD RULES, JUMPED OVER ROAD SIDE BARRIERS AND GETS HIT BY A CAR THEN IT IS FOR THE BETTERMENT OF THE SPECIES.

Another thing ... when you take your brats with you to restaurants, or reception centers, or any other public forum, it is your responsibility to maintain them - not the relatives that you've invited out with you, not the waiting staff, not the people at the next table ... YOU!

While we're on this topic, not everyone at said location thinks that your child causing a racket in the corner 'cause they don't have their favorite toy or didn't get the chocolate dessert or whatever is "just part of kids growing up", nor is it amusing to us when we're on the dance-floor and you're misbegotten spawn runs underfoot and it definitely is not funny when they grab a tablecloth and rip down a table setting! These all affect OUR enjoyment of the evening.

So no more excuses. If you can't or wont look after your spawn, then the answer is simple.
Don't have them. Either utilise contraceptives like the PILL and CONDOMS or simply go get the SNIP. I really don't care which way you go. Just make sure it works.
Give your kids away. They can be adopted out, sold on the black market, sent out to the mines ... the choices are endless.
Join a cult. They always have interesting uses for kids, and also mind altering techniques
... well the list is endless really ... but now it's time for my Xanax.
TTFN

Sunday Mornin' Blues

2005-07-10T11:54:00.000+10:00
Well, it's another grand Melbourne Winter Sunday Morning. The sun shines down through the breaks in the storm clouds as they glide across the sky marching onwards towards the Gippsland valleys and across the straight.

In twenty-four hours time I'll be sitting in my cubicle, wishing I wasn't. I'm between roles at the moment ... for the last three-odd years I've been accomplishing a role that sits between the positions of an IT Architect, Senior Technical Analyst, Project Manager, Mentor and Gimp. Due to the frustrations I've expressed in an earlier post, the Software Development manager offered to transfer me into one of his teams as a Systems Architect. Well, in theory at least - the title will still be Senior A/P, the pay doesn't change and the architecture is important and will need to be done, but only after the team is rebuilt and the support issues go away ... maybe in a year or so ... we can't rush these things, you know!

So, I've been looking for work outside of my current locale. Well, technically I've been looking for about 6 months with any real effort. In the last two, I've expanded the border to take in opportunities from across the country.

This strategy has proven simultaneously fruitful and tiring. I have received requests and opportunities from everywhere! With a selection including three active roles in Canberra, five in Sydney, one in Perth, one in Wollongong, a few in Melbourne, two in Brisbane ...

That's great, don't get me wrong, but have you any idea how tiring it gets to go to work, do your 'normal' thing, try and not let on you're seeking and complete a minimum of eight interviews a week? For the record, it's stressful, exhausting and drives the anxiety levels right up.

It's no wonder, in hindsight, that Friday turned out the way it did.

I was called on Wednesday evening and asked if I would mind going up to Wollongong/Port Kembla for a final interview for one of the roles I had applied to. I naturally responded in the affirmative and the plans were being laid.

Thursday I receive the confirmations that I will be on a 0700 flight to Sydney (there weren't any direct to Wollongong) where I would land, get a hire car, drive down to Port Kembla and meet with the respective team and leaders of the IS department.

Which I did, except there was a half hour delay getting into Sydney Airport, where we circled for at least 20 minutes, then once we landed, I got the hire car, drove down as fast as I could without breaking any laws (I hope!), and getting lost in the vastness of Port Kembla. So, I finally managed to find the place, I met the people, did my thing and after that, I had to drive back up to Sydney (via the Scenic route to look at the local area, check out a lovely cafe and beaches at Bulli and investigate local real estate) drop off the rental at the airport, rush into the City via train to get a lovely hat from Antons, rush back to the Airport, check in, get all but strip searched by the overzealous security guys after the bombings in London, get onto the plane ... and I should be relaxing now, shouldn't I?

It's about this time that the entire week came crashing down on me. The rigid pace I've been setting for myself, the stress, the pressure of the day, the lack of sleep of the previous night, the fact that I practically hadn't eaten or drunk all day and the gastro that has been sitting on the verge of exploding all week ... all decided to bite me in the ass just as we took off ...

It started off with a feeling of intense anxiety and nausea, followed by a wave of cold sweat and dizziness ... my ears felt like they were about to explode outwards from the changing pressure in the cabin and then we finally levelled out ... at this stage I thought, maybe if I go to the toilet, I can relieve some of that turbulence occurring within me, wash my face and get myself in order ... so I got up ... and promptly fainted in the aisle!

Next thing I know I'm stretched out across three seats, sucking on an oxygen tank being checked out by another passenger who's a GP.

So to all those on Flight QF451 that night - I apologise for disturbing what should have been a pleasantly dull flight down to Melbourne. Hopefully it gave you all an interesting story to tell your friends and family once you landed.

Well, that's all for me for now ... my partner is bitching about the length of time I'm taking for my brain-dump ... so I'm off to let her do her MBA homework ... even though I know she's more interested in checking out her SIMS2 websites.

TTFN

Saturday Night

2005-07-09T18:08:00.000+10:00
So, here I am, waiting for my partner to get home from the MBA course. I've poured myself a balloon of Armagnac and sipping it while doing some blog surfing.

Admittedly, I don't usually get the chance as the computer is usually taken up by the other half for those MBA assignments or playing the SIMS 2. So when I do get the chance to use it myself, I try and catch up on my e-mail, deal with my mentees and then (maybe!) I'll get a chance to do something else.

So anyways, here I am sipping on my Chabot XO Armagnac and sorta wondering why I quit smoking? I mean I enjoyed it - health and money issues aside - I enjoyed the flavor, the feel, the entire experience ... A good Cuban or Dominican would go well with this Armagnac actually, maybe a Romeo y Julieta No. 2 de Luxe or a Montecristo No. 3 ... ah well, no use harping on about the past ...

... it is sad that here I am, torn between reading Übermilf's piece on her clever cat, Lo Lo Lova telling it like it is, or finding out why All that porn isn't going to watch itself ... or whether to maybe just plonk myself in front of the idiot box ...

I'm only 31! I should be out dancing at a rave, hitting the clubs, going out to a cool café or having dinner with friends ... is this what a long term relationship does to you?

Bah! Now I've lost my track ... my sister called and she started babbling on about ... actually, god knows what about ... so now my head's been done in and I'm signing off ...

TTFN

The frustration of my current role

2005-07-09T14:39:00.000+10:00
It's a Saturday afternoon, and I'm exhausted to the bone! I was initially going to highlight the long and harrowing experiences of searching for work ... but instead a tirade of verbal diarrhea has spewed relating to my current employment, so, I've changed the title, and reformatted my expulsions and present them here without further ado:

I currently work in a well known entertainment establishment in Melbourne. I work for their IT department. I've been there for four years. In the last two, my frustrations have grown to the level that are causing me to be ill.

The Main Frustration - The last few years: On Frameworks, Strategies and Processes
The greater part of my frustration comes from the small shop mentality that our department suffers from.

On the one hand, as a company, we are proud that we are a billion-dollar-revenue company, with a worldwide reputation, impacting the lives of nearly 9000 employees.

On the other, we have an IT department that likes to use (often contradicting) phrases like:
the fact that our competitors have twice the IT staff with half the systems shows we are more advanced and streamlined
the fact that our competitors can achieve five-nine service levels and we can't shows that our staff are not as committed to services and require more management
we are too small to worry about enterprise architecture
we don't need a permanent [systems/solutions/technology/IT] architect the engineers can do it as part of their role
we can easily determine future directions organically based on the desires of the business and a committee of senior management, without the need for specialist IT staff to achieve this function.
Armed with that sort of mindset (and their PowerPoint based technology plan), it is virtually impossible to go forward with the argument for any form of framework (even something as rudimentary and simple as Zachman is too difficult and constraining for this place!) let alone considering true frameworks for the enterprise (such as TOGAF 8), process quality or management tools (like Six-Sigma) or any other form of best practice methodology (such as ITIL).

I'm continuously told to relax and stop worrying about things that are outside of my job role. It's the professional equivalent of the sexist and equally demeaning don't worry you're pretty little head about it!

So as a professional, one who is passionate about getting their job done, one who is about righting wrongs and trouble-shooting the department more than the iron and one who is constantly trying to improve their long-term work-life balance (even if it means destroying it in the short term) the whole situation is a screaming disaster.

I said it before ... I have to leave ... and that's what I'll do ... especially after ...

The Recent Frustration - The last 6 months: The story of Chucky's Bride
At the end of last year, things changed. For the worse.

A new "leader" was assigned to our team.

She came up into a senior IT management role after spending the last two years on the entertainment floor ... oh, but she has IT experience our illustrious leader assures us! After all she spent 16 years at a national bank in their mainframe division prior to working the floor ...

Now, what on God's good earth makes him think that she is capable to do the role? Because she can spin a big wheel in a mini? Well, whatever his reasons, he makes the team have lunch with her to see if there is compatibility. There wasn't. The team asked her questions, told her the state of play, judged her reactions and came to the same conclusions. GET SOMEONE ELSE!

We all expressed our concerns to our illustrious leader. I specifically mentioned that when I asked the question:
It's been two plus years since you were in the IT field, and even then it was in Mainframes, how do you think you will be able to handle and react in a team with technologies ranging from Midrange to desktops, Windows & Netware to Unix & SANS?

she chirpily responds with
Oh, it's no big deal! Nothing has changed in two years, and it all comes from Mainframes anyway ...

Our illustrious leader simply smiles and ignores our remarks.

We later hear he told the CIO that we were all very happy and felt positive about offering her the position.

Thus she was hired.

Thus our nightmare began.

Since then it's been month after excruciating month of being nano-managed; having meetings that run between twenty to fifty percent over their allocated time; having those meetings three to five times a day because a stray thought entered her head; having more meetings to re-explain to her the techniques, methods or technologies you are utilising that you explained in the last four meetings but she either didn't understand, interrupted you with other questions while you were explaining it or pretended she understood as she sat there nodding like a novelty toy sitting on the rear parcel shelf of a car!

When will it stop?

When will it all end?

When will they realise that she is driving the team insane?

Never.

I guess I always knew it ... really, I did. The illustrious leader has a boner for this wondrous glorified two-dollar-good-time-girl ... completely ignoring the range of commentary proffered by his peers and his staff over the last 6 months.

Well, enough about that ... the big wheel of justice will spin around ... eventually.

Oh, by the way, why "Chucky's Bride"?? Well, I did some research - and in speaking to members of her old area at that national bank, I soon discovered she was nick-named as such because she was approximatly the same height, her voice screeched with the same intensity, she kept trying to slash everything she didn't understand (and assumedly threatened by) and ran in the same stiff-legged style. They claim the department was re-structured primarily just so she could be made redundant - fancy that, eh?

There's no fixing this ... it's time to leave ... and so I shall ...

TTFN

An introduction

2005-07-08T22:48:00.000+10:00
Well, they did it!

They allowed me to have my own ranting space. Oh the fools! The poor miserable, misguided fools! Do they not realise that this is a dangerous proposition? The mere inconvenience of the thousands of complaint e-mails alone may not be a worry to those behind the great wall of technology ... but the lawyers won't like it!

So what is this blog about? NOTHING! I just really needed a place to rant, rave and brain-dump on a regular basis.

So why is it published? Because we have the technology! Because it can be! Because I need to express myself ... think of it as mental exhibitionism.

So why should you read it? There is no real reason why you should. In fact, don't! Stop it! right now!

Why are you still reading? Oh, I know, it's either because you're bored, mentally disturbed, or for some strange reason you find my rantings somewhat mildly amusing in some small way... Well, don't say I didn't warn you.

TTFN